Life Interrupted: Taking Charge After Everything Has Changed with Michael Parise

[00:00:00] I’ve read something once that vulnerability, I think it was be BNE Brown, vulnerability leads to courage. Mm-hmm. And you don’t often put those two things together. Yeah. We think of vulnerability as kind of cowering in the corner hoping that nobody notices on. Mm-hmm. That’s not vulnerability, but it vulnerability is really getting out of the corner and showing yourself and being present.

And that leads to courage. Because it’s a, it’s a physical act of courage by just showing up.

This is Emily Harmon, host of the Onward Podcast. My guest today is Michael Parisi. Michael is a teacher, a mentor, a healer, an author, and an artist. As a life and spiritual coach, Michael is certified in spiritual direction and emotional recovery. Furthermore, [00:01:00] as a Catholic priest who decided to leave parish ministry after over three decades, Michael has a unique perspective on how to guide others through self-awareness to pursue a new life.

Michael’s vision for the future is to help make the world a more loving, accepting, and generous. Place for all, and I can tell you that Michael is definitely doing that. I put a link in the show notes to the very first episode that I did with Michael, and this episode was actually conducted live the same week that his first episode came out.

We wanted to go live and answer any questions, and we did get a few questions from the audience, which he answers in this interview. The Onward Podcast is brought to you by my company Emily Harmon, coaching and Consulting. You can go to my [email protected] to learn about the services that I offer.

I also [00:02:00] put a link in the show notes to a new book that recently came out. And I wrote a chapter entitled How to Put Yourself First. The name of the book is Step Into the Spotlight and we all are stepping into the spotlight of our lives. Whether it’s our life as a person, a human being in this earth, whether it’s being a podcast host, running a business, we all find ourselves under a spotlight at some time in our lives.

There’s lots of great information in this book, and it’s a bestseller in five different countries. And now onto the interview with Michael Parisi. Michael, thank you for being on the Onward podcast today. I know you’re laughing cuz we had a few technical glitches, but we’re ready to go. Yeah. We love technical glitches.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially when we saw them. You didn’t let your saboteur get to you. We remain calm. Yeah. Yeah. You’re the Saboteur Slayer. So your Onward podcast, [00:03:00] actual interview published on Monday, and this interview is just to kind of discuss that interview and hopefully, you know, if people had questions, they could come and ask them.

And just to talk about it a little more, how did you like your episode? Well, I, I finally listened to it. I recognized a couple of things. One is that I’m used to speaking in public. And I sound like I’m talking to a church full of people. That was kind of fun. But no, I was really grateful for the questions you asked and the way in which you, uh, led the discussion because it really helped me to focus and to say the important things I thought were necessary to say.

So. Well, yeah, you said a lot of good things and I thought, I think you’re a great interview. Interview guest and we shared a really compelling and vulnerable story part of yourself. Yeah. There are things I’ve said, I said in that interview I’ve never said in public before. [00:04:00] Wow. Yeah. And I was really strong about, and if you listen to it where you’re like, oh, shouldn’t have said that, or No, you know what I was saying it, I said, I.

There were a lot of things happened at once. In one’s mind. The first thing was, yeah, oh, I wonder if I should say that. And the second thing was, no, it’s time to say it. So it’s time to say it. I want to be vulnerable and honest. I want people to know what’s going on and how difficult life is for people whom they think it’s easy.

I’ve spoken to a lot of people who know priests and who are faithful members of the church and what have you and other clergy. And they really think that clergy have this li nice life. We get to talk to each other as cler, fellow clergy and everybody’s happy and supportive and loving and kind. Right, because you abide by the Bible, so Right.

You’re perfect. Yeah. And that doesn’t always happen, you know, I mean, we can, we can make believe it’s [00:05:00] gonna happen a lot, but it doesn’t always happen, so, so it’s important for people to know. The real me and the fact that playing a role or being in a role, which a lot of people have to be in, like doctors and dentists.

I mean, if your doctor really said what they, what he or she was thinking while you were complaining to them, you, you wouldn’t be going to see them very much. So there is an appropriate role playing that is there, but then there is in, in the, in the spiritual life, there has to be more, there has to be the revelation, the unveiling of the deeper life of a person.

In order for that life to have an effect on other people in a positive way. And if you can’t unveil your deeper life, and it’s like marriage for that matter, if you can’t unveil your deeper life with the person’s you really love, then what’s the point? You’re really just playing a role and we have plenty of people who can do that very well, but we [00:06:00] don’t have enough people who unveil their.

Vulnerabilities. Yeah. Especially men. You’re setting a good example. Thank you. Yeah, I hope so. I really, I really, I love, I care for men in a way, in a way that I guess I see in them, the little boy that I see in myself. And that little boy is so often. Playing a role. Now, I’ve met a lot of little kids growing up and as an adult who fit into the, the stereotypes very well.

Not that they’re living a role, but they are being given a certain set of parameters that they’re expected to express and live in and live through, and that’s fine. Eventually they make a choice for themselves, but sometimes they don’t get a chance to make that choice because of other issues. And I, and I tend to believe it’s.

Based in emotional child neglect. When when we neglect PE kids, we don’t validate their real feelings [00:07:00] or give them a chance even to express, then it becomes difficult and they end up saying, okay, I guess the choices I have are limited. And I will stay within those color between the lines kind of thing, and I’ll stay there because that seems to be the safe, socially, socially acceptable way of being.

How do you feel after like telling your story and being vulnerable? Do you feel. Like, does it give you strength or, I mean, I don’t wanna put words in your mouth, but what does it do for you? It does give me strength. It gives, it gives me confidence that I’m on the right track because when, when words come out of my mouth through my heart easily, I know I am.

Speaking from my spirit, I know I’m speaking from my soul, uh, and I know that I’m being authentic when I have to search for words and try to parse things so it’s very carefully expressed so that nobody gets [00:08:00] offended. That’s not good. And also when I, when I, when I express myself, As if I’m trying to teach something to somebody, like I’ve gotta really tell these people that this and that.

That’s bad too. That’s me being preaching. And boy, I can be preaching on mean. I’ll tell you. I can be preaching, you know, I can be preaching, watching. Let us know that you’re here and ask Michael some questions. What was your favorite part about being a priest? I know you liked it. You were there for a long time, so what was your favorite?

I think the favorite part was the liturgy. I, I, I loved liturgy. I loved the ceremony, and I love putting together there with my musician people, the, my musicians, my choir, the, the organist, the other people who are assisting. I love putting everything together and presenting a beautiful liturgical.

[00:09:00] Experience for the people I would often sing the entire mass at on special holidays. The use of incense investments and things that they didn’t make me look or feel better about myself, but I was doing it for them. I remember a remark that I had, a beautiful new investment that I had made and some I said, I really love this.

I said to someone in the. Back room before we started mass. And she said, well, Jesus didn’t really care one way or the other. And that wasn’t the point. I know Jesus didn’t care one way or the other, but it was for you. I’m doing this for you. I can’t see myself, I’m doing it for you. Mm-hmm. So that you have an experience visual.

So yeah, I really love doing that. And I used to get into a groove where I would just be, There with the angels. It was really great. Yeah. Thanks for stopping by Aubrey. Nice to hear you. Nice to hear from you. Yeah. I used to work with, uh, Aubrey in the, did you [00:10:00] ever, were you ever at a loss for words when you were trying to write your sermon?

1. Oh yeah. A lot. Oh yeah. Writer. It was, it was, yeah, it was concepts concept block it as well as, as well as writer’s block. It was, uh, really interesting. I would, for the first 20 years I wrote up all my homily in a way that, as if I was speaking them, cuz I wanted to make sure I stayed with a certain parameter and, and didn’t get off track.

And also time-wise. Then after that I said, I’m gonna just throw that away. After 20 years in, I started speaking off the cuff. Whoa. So that I would, yeah. Yeah. So if, if I came up with something to talk about, just even before mass sometimes, because I was trying to zero in intuitively in what was going on in people’s lives and how did it relate.

To the readings for mass that day. Yeah, and that’s what I would preach on according to the, the, the mass that I had, the, the group of people [00:11:00] in front of me. I would often have two or three times I’d be preaching and each of the sermons was a bit different. So a LinkedIn user, I can’t, it doesn’t say who your name is cause you gotta register your name with Streamy Yard.

But says, Michael is the man, one of my favorite people to speak with. And then somebody else said, thank you for hosting. So thank you guys for being here, and if you have any questions for Michael, submit them, you know, Type them in and we’ll make sure he asks them so the, or answers them. So the name of your book is Life Interrupted.

Well, thank you. Probably hold it up too, but I’ve got taking charge after everything has changed. And you know, this could apply to a lot of people, not just somebody leaving the church. But tell us a little bit about your book. Well, it was, I wrote it to be a self-help book so that people could read it and become their own best rescuer and look at the gifts that they’ve been given so that each chapter is really [00:12:00] talking about specific gifts, uh, that people, all of us have is humans, and they are offered in an opportunity.

As an opportunity to reflect on not just the G their gifts, but on how those gifts were activated in me. So the book is semi autobiographical. It also tells a lot about my background and why I became a priest. It talks about me being a gay man as well, and the struggles of being in the closet for all those years and trying very hard to.

Understand the relationship between my sexuality, my spirituality, my faith, and my background as a biology major. I was gonna be a dentist originally. Mm-hmm. So all these things kind of come together in the book and it’s, it’s, it’s an opportunity to, to reflect on some of the spiritual truths that really undergird who we are as humans.

Yeah, I like what you wrote. I’ve got mine all like underlined. I didn’t have a highlighter, but it’s underlined in, uh, Penn. You [00:13:00] know, you say our word is world is accelerating constantly and we need to find ways not just to catch up, but to intentionally create lives that we enjoy living, that enable us to thrive through inevitable change.

And yeah, I think a lot of us, we get caught up in just the day-to-day and we just go through the same motion sometimes and then we, we haven’t really been intentional. And, and I think sometimes we think, well, I’d love to do that, but I don’t think I could or, and, and certain things hold us back when if we maybe spend a little more time, we could figure out how to do it cuz we’re only here once.

Absolutely. It’s, I’ve read something once that vulnerability, I think it was be bene brown, vulnerability leads to courage and you don’t e to often put those two things together. Yeah. We think of vulnerability as kind of cowering in the corner hoping that nobody notices. Mm-hmm. That’s not vulnerability, but it vulnerability is [00:14:00] really getting out of the corner and showing yourself and being present and that leads to courage.

Because it’s a, it’s a physical act of courage by just showing up and somehow when we get physically connected with something that’s very important to us. Then the rest of it, uh, kind of catches up with it so that we catch up with our, the words we wanna speak, we catch up with the, with the mental agility we need to have in that moment.

You’ve seen people, you know, when, when they’re confronting injustice or evil and they get up there and they, they say the most marvelous things in order to. Defend somebody who’s being beaten up or whatever, and they themselves are showing that great courage. And then afterwards they don’t even realize they did what they did or said what they said.

Yeah, and it kind of drains you too after [00:15:00] you’ve finished. And it feels like you’ve just been beaten up. But that’s the adrenaline rush. Yeah. And that’s important to re remember too. Adrenaline and cortisol have a, an effect on us, like a hangover, so that when it feels kind of sick after doing something important, that’s a good sign.

Yeah, that’s a good point. I think that, you know, like for me, every, I was just, you know, Getting my kids ready for school, dropping ’em off at daycare before school. Then I was a single parent, then going to work and coming home and fixing dinner, and then, you know, getting them to bed and homework. And at the end of the day, I didn’t even have any time to think.

There was just like no time to even try to create an intentional life, I feel like. But I finally woke up and did it. So I’m glad I did. Well, you know that you mentioned that time to think, I think this, this, this plagues a lot of people and what it is, is that they’re depleted. It’s not that, not to contradict you, but they don’t [00:16:00] have, they have time, but it’s not the time they to think Yeah.

It’s the time to restore themselves. Right? Yeah, that’s true too. You know, and so oftentimes that we wanna have time to think, and sometimes at 11 o’clock at night, I’ll be in front of my computer and I’ll get this idea and I’ll start writing, and I, it’s, it’s the. Overall atmosphere that we can create for ourselves in those moments, to just give ourselves the time and the opportunity to restore our brains.

Yeah. With deep breathing, for example. Mm-hmm. And, and with letting go, you know, even now, deep breathing is a great thing. We hardly ever take deep breaths. It’s just shallow breaths. So just like take three deep breaths and it just changes you. So you call yourself the saboteur slayer. You wanna talk about that?

Yeah, that’s my latest little nomenclature. I started thinking, what do I really do well? What I do is I go into people’s lives with their permission, [00:17:00] and I begin to talk to them about what it is that’s holding them back. So I use an example for sometimes, let’s say you make a cake and you’re just. Figure that you always know how to make this chocolate cake.

I’m just gonna breeze through it, grab the salt rather than the sugar, put it right in there and not realize it. And then serve the cake for dinner with a, with a dinner party. It was a birthday party, let’s say, and everyone’s throwing the cake out of their mouth and just yucking it up and hopefully they’re friends so you can laugh.

Right. Well, what was the cause? What was the saboteur? What was getting to you? Oh, I put the salt rather than the sugar. Well, no, that’s not it. Because you’ve made this cake many times. What was going through your mind at the time? Well, I was in a hurry and I figured I would already know what the cake recipe was about.

Ah, okay. The saboteur then was you were in a hurry and you weren’t conscious, you weren’t [00:18:00] attentive to a, something that you always did, but really can’t be done. On autopilot. Okay. So your saboteur was actually you not being conscious. Yeah. Ah, so what was triggering the non-conscious moment and then you go back a little further in the day.

Well, I was actually thinking about a fight my boss had with one of the employees and I was really concerned about how she was reacting, my employee, fellow employee, and how she was feeling. And I was really getting. Really sad about the whole thing. Ah, so empathy was causing you to not be conscious.

Concern and love and empathy. Isn’t that wonderful? So you, you, you screw up the cake because of empathy. Oh, okay. Well, why were you so empathic? Well, I can remember so many times my parents weren’t empathic when I was in trouble, and I really felt badly for [00:19:00] her the way I would feel badly for me if I was in that situation.

Ah, so possibly a an instance. Instance of childhood emotional neglect. Triggered the cake problem. So that’s how I go back into it. That’s, that’s a good example, Michael. Yeah. Thank you. Um, so Annette asked a question, she said left the church as well. It really upset my mom and she can be very mean, angry about my choice.

I’m curious how you dealt with others negative responses to your choice. Thank you, Annette. I really appreciate the question and it’s certainly something that is very big. People were not that negative about my, my leaving because I just left. I didn’t warn too many people. I think the, the people who were, the people who were upset, nobody was angry.

My mother had died and my father died that year. And just before he died, he said to me, you know, Michael, if you ever have to leave the priesthood, it’s okay. He [00:20:00] somehow might have known that there were things going on in my life, so I didn’t have any problems there. My brother and sister didn’t, were, weren’t concerned either.

My best friend wasn’t. He understood what I was going through. The issue I see in your question is that it upset your mother. I don’t know how old you are. Or your mother, but if you are over the age of 18, she, uh, this is gonna sound mean. But she has no business telling you how to live your spiritual life.

And she may be upset because she thinks maybe you’re going to hell or something, I don’t know. But you said also, she can be very mean and angry. I wonder if she’s been mean and angry toward you about other things in your life and that in fact, this is just another trigger, another excuse for her to express her own disappointment about herself.

Because I find that mean and angry people usually upset about their own experiences. So you can’t do anything to [00:21:00] change your mother. Live your life and know that if you are following your conscience, negative responses might come along. But I really wonder if. You know, you, you can maybe repair your relationship with your mother over time.

If she sees that it’s, you’re doing fine, and in fact that you don’t bring up the issue again, that’s sometimes a good thing. That’s a good point. I wonder too, if her mother’s also is, could be feeling like she wished she had left the charge, but she didn’t have the guts to do it, or the nerve to do it, and then she sees her daughter do it and you know.

There, it, the, the upsetness is a lot about the mom as well, you know, too, right? Yes. It’s something with her. Oh, yes, definitely. I think it’s, you know, it’s, it goes back to a lot of things. Yeah. And that says, thank you very much. Yeah, you’re welcome Annette, and please feel free to email me or call me anytime if you wanna discuss this further, please.

Mm-hmm. And Aubrey was talking about [00:22:00] your non-conscious moment, you know, like when you’re driving on the freeway. Yeah. Wake up Aubrey. We all do that though. We get somewhere and we’re like, how did I get there? And, and, and we can do that with so many other things in our lives. So, Being present, just like concentrating when you’re doing the dishes or when you’re baking the cake.

Just enjoy the putting the ingredients in. Try not to let your mind wander back or forth or whatever. It’s not easy, but we can control our, we can command our mind to come back and be in the present moment. Yes, yes. Yeah. I’ve had those freeway mos too, especially at exits. They all look the same in the whole United States.

Same green signs. I like, where am I going? So here’s your website, Michael Parisi life coach.com. Yes. And so tell us a little bit more about your, uh, life coaching, if you’d like, and how people can, uh, reach out to you. Well, one way is of course to access my, uh, website. And on the website there’ll be phones, [00:23:00] phone number, email.

My, my life coaching is very specific to the individual. I tailor make everything in a sense to what you are bringing to the table. And I offer. Complimentary coaching sessions, discovering what it is you really wanna talk about, what seems to be the issue. And we discover during that time if we’re a good match, sometimes we are not a good match for whatever reason, and that’s fine.

And sometimes we are, but. My aim with the complimentary coaching session is to give you value so that we actually do deal with stuff in a way that’s gonna be helpful to you. It’s not a sales pitch, and I’m not there to try to make, make something out of nothing. I am there to serve your need. In that moment, so please don’t hesitate to call me.

I love talking to people to start with and I love hearing people’s problems in the shoes because it makes me feel normal. I just like to to know, gee, there are other people out there who are [00:24:00] struggling and I can perhaps offer some wisdom. I have, uh, over 40 years experience working with people closer to 45 now, and all of that kind of adds up over time.

It’s amazing, and I just wanna share that with you. Yeah, and you’re really good at writing your blog. You have a good blog. Oh, thanks. On LinkedIn, you posted in, in our Onward Movement Facebook group, and I think you have a, do you have a Facebook page or just your personal Facebook? I have a uh, PA Facebook page for Michael Parisi Life Coaching as well as a personal Facebook page.

And I tend to pay post the same thing on both, try and get them as wide an audience as possible. Yeah. And they can find me there as well as on LinkedIn. I post a lot on LinkedIn. So just look at my name and, uh, you’ll find me. And I’m an open book. Really. I don’t have any big secret, uh, secret way to get to me.

It’s very easy to get to me. Yeah. And I think that, you know, all of your experience just leads to being a great coach. Thank [00:25:00] you. Yeah. You’ve got your experience with the church. You’ve been, you know, mentoring, counseling people, helping them through all their challenges. You’ve got so much experience and then now you’re doing that as you know, your current career.

So I think it’s awesome. It is, and I’m working with veterans too. I’m a veteran mentor and I’ve been working with some, uh, young people there as well as, uh, vets two industry and other contexts. I just love veterans. I, there’s something about veterans. I’m really impressed with young veterans today. I, I, I can’t go into it now, but it’s just, I just take it from me.

I’m a Vietnam. That Vietnam baby who are a young person, I should say. And I grew up during that period, and so it was hard for me to latch onto what veterans were all about. And I’m learning a lot more about veterans now than ever before. You coached men and women, right? It doesn’t, oh yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um. So any, I think, I think your podcast episode was awesome. If people wanna listen to that, they [00:26:00] can just go to my website, emily harmon.com and go to the onward podcast section of my website and Michael’s episode’s up there. It’s also on Apple, Spotify, iHeartRadio, wherever you listen. To podcasts, but it’s an awesome episode where you can learn more about Michael and, and definitely read his book because it’ll help you through a lot of challenges and then give him a call.

You know, he’s offering a complimentary coaching session, so why not take him up on it? I would. Yeah. Yeah. And the book is available in amazon.com and it’s also available as a Kindle addition too. That’s the name of the book. All right. Any closing remarks, Michael? Well, I just wanna thank you. I wanna thank your audience.

I wanna thank all those people who’ve been listening. It’s just a great new way of my expressing some important things that I think everybody needs to hear. Yeah, for sure. Thank you so much. Thank you for listening to this onward podcast episode, and thank you, [00:27:00] Michael for being my guest. I really appreciate your vulnerability and what you’re doing to help others in this world, to help them slay their saboteurs and to help increase awareness.

You definitely are making this world a better place, and I’m honored to know you. In just about every episode, you’ll hear me encourage you to invest in a coach, especially if you want to increase your self-awareness. Coaches help us see our blind spots. They help us notice things about our lives that we, it’s very hard to notice on our own.

And Michael’s a coach. I’m a coach. When you look for a coach, talk to them. You’re interviewing them just as much as they’re interviewing you. Nobody wants to be in a bad coaching relationship or one that doesn’t really work out. So Michael’s offering a free, you know, coaching consultation and he’ll talk with you [00:28:00] and I know that you’ll walk away with some actionable tips.

Have a great week everybody, and let’s move onward together.