Alignment, Impact, and Sustainability: The Keys to Your Unleashed Life Alignment, Impact, and Sustainability

[00:00:00] And over the course of the conversation, I realized that I’m an off season. Like I’m in a season of rest because my next season is massive. And I cannot go into that season of my life or of my work tired. So this was, and, and he called it like, because part of what I talk about in my sustainability bucket is gardening.

Like the concept of like treating ourselves like our own beloved garden. He said, You rotate crops, like everything is not in season year round. Right. And when you try to produce fruit in your off season, it’s not your best fruit. And I was like, yo, I am trying to produce my best fruit. That means I have to produce when it is in season.

And when it is out of season, I need to rest. Right. So it’s like, I’m gonna rest. I’m gonna [00:01:00] take July and I’m gonna practice what I teach. Right. If I’m gonna talk about sustainability, the universe was like, oh, you’re gonna talk about it. Let’s see if you’re gonna be about it first. Right. So how’s it going?

Welcome to onward. Live a live stream, focused on encouraging you to create a life you love living. Now let’s go beyond success to significance, being clear on our why is crucial. It requires doing the inner work, finding ourselves, getting to know ourselves, embracing our inner child, shedding social conditioning, and letting go of perfect.

We know obstacles make us stronger. We can dream big and take action. Believe you can. And you’re halfway there. I invite you to tune in every week and engage with me and my inspiring guests. Invite your friends. Let’s make time for what matters most in our lives. Let’s move on [00:02:00] together.

Hi everybody. Wasn’t I just here last night, I feel like this is like dejavu , but tonight this week we have two episodes I’m going live twice. And then I’m taking the next couple of weeks off because I’m gonna be spending some time with my grandson. So I’m looking forward to that, but I’m excited to bring tonight’s guest Aisha Crumbine in.

Let me just tell you a little bit about her. She believes that who we are is how we lead and the way we become better at leading is. At home at work and at work is to become the leaders of our own lives first. And I’ve really learned that Naisha and I went through coaching school together. We went to the Institute of professional excellence in coaching.

So in her work as a coach, she helps high achievers and over givers that’s me too tune out the noise and tune in to themselves so they can get the clarity that they need to create the life that they want and what a [00:03:00] perfect person to have on this show. Cuz it’s all about create a life you love living now.

So let me bring Aisha in change this graphic here and here she Aisha . Hey, I’m so excited that you’re here. I’m excited for this convers. So we’ve got someone saying, I think they’re watching on one of your channels. Hello from Atlanta. I can’t tell who it is, but when we go back on LinkedIn later, we’ll be able to see who it is.

Sometimes we can see the name of the person sometimes not, they have their, I think, register with restream. I’m not really sure, but anyway, so let’s, let’s hear from you, Aisha gave a little bit of an introduction about you and about how you help people live the life that they want. But how did you get into that?

And tell us a little bit about yourself. You know, it’s interesting, cuz I think like somebody asked me recently, like when did I become a coach? And my response was like, I think I’ve always been a coach. I just was evolving towards [00:04:00] this as a job when I was little, I used to say that I wanted to be a psychologist and I had no idea what that meant.

That’s just what, that’s just what I called it. Right. And I think it was, I loved listening to people and helping them go in the direction of their dreams, even as a. . And so after being in education for several years and starting my own business, I realized that I gifted to help people tune into themselves.

Like my personal experiences, my professional experiences have all equipped me to help people hear themselves and go in the direction that they really wanna go in. Well, you’re really good at doing that because, you know, in the coaching program that we went through, we practiced coaching each other.

Right. Mm-hmm so I think I’ve probably coached. I’ve coached you. You’ve coached me and we’ve learned from each other and that’s just helping us get better and better. So what did you learn from our coaching program? You know, you said you’ve been [00:05:00] coaching all your life. Yeah. Did you learn anything new?

Oh my goodness. When I actually, when I was going through the coaching program, I was also going through a really challenging time in my personal life. And I feel like the coaching experience gave me an opportunity to see the value in coaching as a person being coached and to see how tremendously helpful it is to hold space for people and to have people hold space for me, mm-hmm the person I was partnered with and the second go round is my coach.

Now, like I have since hired him because he holds such beautiful space for me. That’s and, and learning how to sharpen that skill and get better at it. And really speak to sovereignty as I hold space for them is just like, that’s a gift. It’s a real gift. Yeah. And that’s the thing about picking a coach?

You know, you worked with lots of different coaches throughout the whole thing [00:06:00] throughout the whole program, but, you know, we tend to really resonate with certain types of people, kinds of people and feel like we can really relate to them. They’re maybe a little you know, have learned some things we haven’t, we just feel like they can guide us through some things that we’re doing.

So that’s awesome that you found your coach through oh yeah. That program and he doesn’t, and he doesn’t take my stuff. Right. Like part of what I love about it is he’ll he does, to me, what I feel like I do to other people, like he’ll look at me and go what’s that face. Yeah. And and so having somebody, yeah.

I love it. I’m like, get me straight, like help me stand fully in myself. Like please. Thank you. well, Donette says life is Aisha the meaning. Oh yeah. That’s. so my name means life. I was actually named after Stevie Wonder’s daughter. So Stevie Wonder’s song isn’t she lovely is about his daughter, whose name is Aisha.

And my dad heard the song love did. And that’s where I got my name. [00:07:00] I’ve known you for about a year. I didn’t know that we can’t know everything. It was just a little year. We were busy learning. We got a lifetime honey, a whole lifetime. I know a lot more deeper things than that, but anyway, Touche, Touche.

So your goal is to help your clients redefine success for themselves. So they hustle less and live more. That’s what I’ve discovered in the past three years, how I can do that hustle less and live more. I thought it would just happen automatically when I retired. That was wrong. yeah. Hustle. The, the idea of like hustling is it’s a way of being.

that especially like high achievers have learned from the beginning. Like at some point the idea that our value was tied to how much we achieved. Mm-hmm kept us in this like grind and push and prove energy. And learning to shed that like that you don’t have to do those things that you don’t have to push to be worthy or to [00:08:00] be of value is like the greatest relief.

So wait, you said kept us, so you count yourself as one of those high? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my goodness. I mean, I think there are people who are like prone to that high achieving orientation, right? Like I was the first in my family to go to college. Right. I went to a lot of like primarily white institutions that were like elite private schools.

Right. There’s a certain, there are certain situations that lend themselves to. Hustle like to proving, to achieving as a way of like validating who we are and what we have to offer. And so like, you know, being the oldest, the first, the only puts us in those predicaments from the jump. And so, and our parents kind of feed into that because they put their hopes and dreams on us.

Like there’s so many situations that lead us to feel like hustling or [00:09:00] proving or perfecting is how we need to be in order to have arrived. Right. And I was, I, I was surely in that kind of way of thinking, how did you change your way of thinking? Oh man. And when, yeah, I think at, at I was at a job and I was like the executive, like I was an executive level at a nonprofit and I was a fundraiser.

and the whole culture in the organization was like, hustle, go hustle, go. And I was feeding my son at the time who was maybe 18 months and I was feeding him like this. And I was thinking about a red flag email, but I wasn’t being present with my son in that moment. And I, and that, that is like the moment for me when I realized I am not being the type of parent.

I mean, to be [00:10:00] because I am spending all of this energy, trying to prove my worth in this organization, trying to demonstrate that I can do this. And I think from that moment on my measure became who do I mean to be? And how do I mean to be, and hustle got in the way of. . And so there was, there was a lot of shedding, right?

Like some shedding, because you have to disappoint people when you stop hustling. Like you have to be willing to say the hard thing, say no, draw some boundaries, but that was the beginning of the journey for me, was realizing that I didn’t want to be missing from the important parts of my life. Yeah.

Here’s a a comment here from Jennifer hustle lesson live more, yes. Being willing to stop and face the why behind her hustle is so important. Who is it actually for? Yeah. Hustle and hustle is not a hustle is [00:11:00] about like, I equate hustle with like approving. Like I am trying to prove my worth. I’m trying to prove that I belong.

I’m trying to prove that I am who I say I am. And that comes from a place of not believing you are, who you say you are, which is your own personal work. Right. That’s not about anybody else. And I think that’s why I think this, like, coaching is so powerful because it gives us the opportunity to do our own work.

So we show up to the world the way we want to. Right. In a way. No kidding. Drain us. Yeah, no kidding. We’ve worked so much on ourselves in coaching. I remember. Yeah. You know, our get together or, you know, isn’t wasn’t, we were in a group. Right. And there’s tears and there’s real sharing. And you know, this Facebook use, that’s the, I feel seen, we felt seen, and we did the work on ourselves and we’re still doing the work on ourselves.

You never, never end with that. Yeah. No, but that’s the beauty of it. Right? Like I am a work in progress, [00:12:00] which means that I, I never arrive mm-hmm so I’m not trying to hit this mark of like, oh, I hit this place and I’ve arrived and it’s great. It’s like, no, I’m a work in progress. I’m continuing to evolve over time.

And that gives me space and permission to get some things wrong. Yeah. And that’s okay. Yeah, and that’s okay. I think I that’s. Okay. Yeah. I, I did a lot of pushing. I was always trying to kind of prove myself in basketball and then that extended to when I went, I mean, when I was in high school and that extended, when I went to the Naval academy, you know, in the sixth class of women to graduate, always being, you know, a lot of my career, the only woman or one of few women in the room, you, you know, you, I felt that need to kinda prove myself.

I I’m making a face because I think as women we have gotten so bent on like shattering the glass ceiling, we don’t often ask at what expense. Yeah. At what costs are [00:13:00] we pursuing that? Right. Like I’m, I’m not trying to shatter any glass ceiling. I am trying to show up in full as myself. And if I shatter some stuff on the way great.

Right. But that’s, it’s, it is in pursuit of being. Versus being in pursuit of like proving or, yeah, it’s just, it’s a totally different way to orient my word of the year, this year is being so it’s like, who am I being while I’m doing stuff? Ooh. So I like, because I was always like, check this off, check this off, check this off.

But like, who am I being? Here’s a question. What would you suggest to a new business owner who feels they must hustle in order to make a living? My new favorite thing is like unsubscribe, like unsubscribe to that belief that the more you hustle, the more you get, right? Because like you, and, and, and like, I [00:14:00] have my own business.

I work for myself full time. So this is not coming from like this hypothetical place. Like this is coming from a, I do my best work. When I am moving slowly when I am listening to myself. And when I am trusting that what is meant for me is mine. Yeah. Now that does not mean that there are times when I’m like, it’s been real quiet, right?

Cause that happens. But I have to trust as an entrepreneur that this gift I had was not given to me so that I have to hustle and continue to prove it. Yeah. Right. Like this was given to me because I am a good steward of my gifts. And as long as I show up in full as myself, as long as I continue to trust and show up and do my work, I love the universe to play the rest.

And that’s part of the work it’s part of the work is, is, is surrendering to [00:15:00] the bigger. That’s what I’ve done a lot of in the past three years, cuz my, my, my go to is just like push work, harder, work, harder, work harder. And finally, I, you know, I’ve got coaches that tell me, you know, there there’s ease and flow.

There’s another way. And I’m like, well finally I thought, where is it? I’ll try it. You know? And I, and I, and it, and it worked. Yeah. When I stopped pushing, when I stopped hustling, the clients came, the, my, my life was easier. I was in ease and flow. I was in tune with myself. I wasn’t looking, you know, so when I first started my business and I don’t know if you did this IHA or not, but you tend to like, oh, you’re supposed to post every day.

You’re supposed to do this. You’re supposed to do that. You’ve gotta have this email. You gotta do that. All the things you’re supposed to do. You have people messaging you all the time on LinkedIn. I know how to find you clients. I know how to do this. I’ll tell you how to do that. Try my system. [00:16:00] what really works is getting quiet, unsubscribing to a lot of that stuff.

And listening to yourself, mm-hmm, listening to the universe getting quiet. That’s what works, shutting down all that noise. And that’s what I call alignment. Right? Like when you learn what is in alignment with you mm-hmm then you learn what to say no to. Yeah. Right. I, I am not gonna be the person who is like, trying to figure out the Instagram algorithms that is not an alignment with me.

Mm-hmm like that, that stresses me out. That pulls me out of me being me. Mm-hmm right. And the last thing I wanna do in hustle energy is attract other hustlers. Yep. Right? The energy that you, the energy with, which you do things. Attract certain people to you. Mm-hmm I am not, [00:17:00] I am not about hustling. I am not about misalignment.

I want to show up as myself and attract people who are attracted to me just the way I am. Right, right. But if I’m hustling, trying to be somebody else or like somebody else, the people who are looking for me, can’t find me. And now I’ve made it harder to earn a living because I’m out being all these other people instead of being Aisha and you’re stressed because you’re not being you, you’re not in touch with yourself.

And it impacts all your relationships and home. Mm-hmm , you know here’s a comment from Jennifer, love this conversation trust in myself and patients in the progress while building a business are they’re hard. Yes, it is getting quiet is such grace advice, Emily. Okay. And it’s coming from somebody.

Had no idea how to do that. Okay. I thought it would just all happen when I retired and I was busier than ever. And then I couldn’t point my finger at a job or a boss, cuz the job is when I was [00:18:00] creating and the boss was me so I had nowhere else to look but me. So I worked with a coach she’s like she was trying to get me to, she said, alright coach, about getting quiet, meditating being still.

Cuz I was like all over the place because I see opportunities everywhere and then I’m just get restless and I try to go for everything. But my dishes weren’t getting done. My condo was a mess. My, my, you know, my, my life was a mess. Cause I was just pushing, let me try this, let me try that. And she said, well, I would like you to meditate for like 40 days straight.

How long do you think you can do it each day? And she had like a checklist, like 15 minutes, an hour or, you know, half an hour, my hyper achiever in me was like, oh yeah, an hour. And I said, nah, I’ll try the, you know, it was like five or 15 minutes. Yeah. And then every day she’d ask, where are, you know, every week or when I met with her, what day are you on day one?

Well, what’s going on? You don’t understand. I’m busy. I got a lot to do. I’m running a [00:19:00] business, but I finally did it. And it was life changing. So listen to people like Aisha or me. I mean, I’m, you gotta find your own way too. But if you are looking to see, like how can you switch from being hyper, hyper, hyper push push, push to being more in flow.

You’re listening to two hyper achievers here that can tell you it’s possible. Yeah. I think especially as, as business owners, we. Heard you keep what you kill, right? Like if you don’t, if you are not out fishing, you don’t eat. Like that’s the way we, we orient. And I think the line of thought that I subscribe to is my job is to show up like, that’s my, my work, my job is to show up as myself and extend the offer.

Mm-hmm right. Extend the hand and say, this is, this is where we’re going. I wanna welcome a journey with you [00:20:00] and, and rest in that. Right. I think sometimes we feel like we have to be going and doing, going and doing. And there are all these productivity hacks and all of these like, systems that you have to try.

And so we’re like, I’ve gotta be more productive. I’m like, I am more productive when I am at ease. I am more productive when I am carrying less. So how can I carry less and go at a pace of life that aligns with how and who I wanna be in this world. And still be paid beautifully for the work and for the gift that I have.

And that’s what’s happening for you? I love it. I’m laughing a little bit because it’s like, when I first retired, I was like, wonder what kind of a coach I wanna be. I know I’m gonna help people get more things done in less time. Cuz I’m really good. You were gonna make a life outta hustling. You were just gonna make this part of your job.

so I was good. I’ve done a complete 180. I think, you know, I still got room to grow. I’m not as like, you know, but anyway and [00:21:00] so in you, you named this title of the episode alignment impact and sustainability, the keys to your unleashed life. I think those are the three things. I think if we, if we zoom, we took like a bird’s eye view of our lives and what we all wanna be true.

I think all of us want alignment. That means we want to believe that who we are. Exactly as we are, is, is more than enough. I sometimes will say like, I’m the David like that, that I was curated. I was designed, somebody took great care to create me. Mm-hmm and when I’m in alignment, I know who I am. I know what my values are and I’m committed to showing up and full as myself.

Yeah. Right. And in some way, when you are in alignment, you are looking at yourself and making decisions from the highest version of yourself. Right. So when you’ve got that alignment piece, you’re like, I know who [00:22:00] I am. I can show up in full, I’ve got this confidence, I’m rooted in who I am. Then the second thing we’re looking for is impact.

How do we aim our talents now that I know who I am and what I have to contribute? How can I aim that and make a difference in the world and matter for people and really understanding what that looks like and how to aim your gifts. And then the third is how do I do that in a sustainable way? Yeah.

Right, because we can, we can know who we are. We can know the difference we wanna make in the world. But if we are not doing that in a way that is rooted in sustainability, we’ll burn out and we will, you know, become resentful and then we can’t make the impact we wanna make. So then we kind of work backwards.

Right. Right. So I feel like if we’ve got these three things, then we can tap into this, this like vortex of abundance, right? Yeah. Like you get to live at this high level. You get to experience boundless, unleashed living in a way that feels free and fulfilling [00:23:00] and just beautiful. I think that’s what we all want for sure.

Now I wanna talk a little bit about the energy leadership index assessment. I did a webinar on it. I got to do a debriefing with you. We had to do so many assessments for people and debrief people and that assessment. Gives you a kind of a graph that shows how you’re showing up. It shows, are you spending a larger percent of your time aligned or are you spending it in conflict?

Are you spending it pushing? Are you spending it just, you know, fine. I’ll do it kind of thing. And so it gives you a bar graph of that, the seven levels of energy, you get to see it. Yeah. It’s in your face. Well, and you know, I, I sometimes think of it like sunglasses. Like that’s my, the way that I look at it, it’s like, mm-hmm, , you’ve got seven shades of sunglasses.

Mm-hmm , you’ve got like one shade where everything is dark. And so everything you [00:24:00] see is dark. The way you move through the world is dark. Because the lens that you’re looking through is one of like, everything is against me. Right? That’s that level one energy where you’re the victim. And like, you can’t anything everything’s horrible.

You’ve got these dark lenses. But there are shades. And if you get up to level seven, you realize like there’s no lens. Mm-hmm, like, there’s no friction. There’s no, there’s no darkness. There’s possibility. And sometimes people don’t even realize that they’re wearing glasses. Right. But they’re not even a layer helps you realize it.

Yeah. Yeah. So to be able to one identify the lenses that you’re looking through, mm-hmm and then two, to realize that you have the power to change those at any time is, is empowering beyond anything, right? Yeah. To know that you are in control of, of how you see the world and how you [00:25:00] move through it. It’s, it’s, it’s a game changer.

It sure. Is it it? And you might say, you know, I know I. You think, well, you know, I’m positive. I, I go through life pretty well. You know, things are good for me. And the assessment kind of tells you that, that, that is one lens. You look through a certain percent of your time, but other percent of your time, you look through different lenses.

And that I’m okay. Everything’s good is not the highest lens level of energy you can, you know, view the world through. And, and then it also tells you when you’re under stress, what glasses you put on, right. To look through, you know, it’s funny. I have a my husband, I joke around when people say, oh, I’m fine.

I’m fine. My translation is that means, forget it. I’m not engaging. Mm-hmm so that forget it. I’m not engaging. And in some way, What you’re saying is [00:26:00] like, I’m just gonna tolerate this discomfort. I’m gonna tolerate this situation that I don’t really wanna tolerate. I’m just not gonna engage with it. Yeah.

Right. And even that is a, is a, a lens of there’s some darkness in that. Right. Mm-hmm, , there’s some making yourself small to not rock the boat. Right, right. But we don’t always see it that way. We just, we’re just fine. Right? We’re like, no, you’re not fine. Like, that’s the biggest why we tell ourselves we’re not fine.

So let’s talk about why we’re not fine and figure out how to address that. Well, a lot of times we, it’s very uncomfortable to figure out what to, to, to, to open that box and look into that and to look into your heart and figure out why you’re not feeling fine. And I still work. I think I, I still work with a, a coach who helps me name my feelings and identify my feelings, cuz she’ll ask what I feel about something.

And I start to tell her what I think. And she has to tell me, what do you feel? I’m [00:27:00] like, I don’t know. I have this cheat sheet of feelings. So yeah, the feeling wheel, I look at the feeling wheel. Yeah. My coach sent it to me. Like we were on a session and he sent it and I was like, okay. And, and now when I name my feelings, I’m like, yo, celebrate.

I just said I was scared. Right. Go me. Right. Yes. Yeah. Or I feel contracted or I feel, you know, I have more words than happy and sad. mm-hmm yeah. So you said when you feel, when you feeling off it’s normally because one of the three alignment impact or sustainability is missing and when you’re busy and pushing, sometimes you don’t even take the time to ask to notice that you’re feeling off.

You just think this is normal. And then to even ask yourself why. To come ’em up with an answer that takes slowing down. Mm-hmm mm-hmm I think one of my, one of my favorite things to do with people. So you noticed, like [00:28:00] I hosted a retreat, like I do a retreat where we go kind of off the grid we unplug.

And the purpose of that is really because I want people to get quiet with themselves. Right. Like if you’re always answering emails, if you’re always doing the thing, if you’re always like taking in inputs, you cannot hear yourself. Right. Right. And so when you are by yourself, out in wherever you are like in the wilderness or in the hotel or whatever, you hear parts of you that feel really quiet when you’re busy.

And so you might hear I’m, I’m really feeling like disappointment at this thing or dissatisfaction with this. And you need to unpack that a little bit and not so that you get lost in it. So, so that you know how to like, oh, this is what’s coloring the way this is. What’s making me have a bad attitude.

This is what’s making my patients slow. [00:29:00] This is what’s coloring the way I’m showing up. And that, that requires being quiet. Unlike the children who are behind me, not being quiet, it requires being quiet. And sometimes I think it requires talking to somebody because sometimes it’s very hard to figure it out yourself.

Right. I’m gonna move away from the children because patience. But I, I think that’s part of the work you do as coaches, right? Like as coaches, right? We hold space for people to be quiet with themselves in a place where there’s no judgment, right? There’s no judgment. There’s no, there’s no anything other than here’s who you mean to be.

how can we help you get closer to that? Yep. Right. And that I was, I safe people in that way. Yeah. I was working with the client the other day and, and she has made a decision on some action. She wants to take in her life. And, and when she told me she then, you know, she said, well, I thought you’re gonna tell me you didn’t like that [00:30:00] idea.

And I said, that’s not what a coach does. That’s you know the answer. Yeah. My answer for you. Isn’t your answer. Yeah. Well, and I think people, some people, I was gonna say, I think people have, have given over their power over their lives to people, to other people, right? Like we’ve defaulted that decision making to our parents we’ve delegated that decision making to our partners or to our children.

And so the idea of taking back that power can feel like. I can do that. Yeah. Shannon says that’s so important when a person like me looks for a coach just to be there, to support me, to help me figure things out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that’s to even recognize, I think this whole notion of coaching is still so new for some people. I think traditionally it’s been reserved for people at a [00:31:00] certain level in a company, or, you know, it’s, it’s been positioned as executive coaching.

And the first time somebody said that they thought I should be a life coach. I was like, what’s that? Like, who, who does that? And how do, and this was years ago. But this idea that we are always evolving and that we are always growing. And how do we do that with the support of somebody who holds the vision with us?

Yeah. Like that’s really what a coach is. A coach is somebody who. Holds the vision of who and how you mean to be with you so that when things get tough, they can hold space for you and help you find your way back. Right. Right. For sure. And I think that every one of us can use coaching skills and I’ve learned coaching skills by being coached.

Like you, I’m sure you use your coaching skills with your children. And, you know, I coach through the university of Virginia, I coach custom and border protection [00:32:00] employees and I’ve encouraged them, some of them to like I don’t know where that book is, but there’s one book about, you know, just how, how to be a coach.

And I don’t know where if I have it here, but asking questions, it’s got like some, just some key questions to ask so we can train, we can help our employees to not always come to us to tell them the answer. We answer the, an, the question with a, well, what do you think about that? You know, kind of thing.

Mm-hmm and, and, and coach our employees as well. I mean, I think most of our, when I think about leadership, I think a lot of leadership characteristics overlap with coaching, right? Yeah. Part of what my role is as a leader is to build capacity in my people. Mm-hmm right. It’s not to be the, to provide the answers all the time.

I want my people to, to grow in their own abilities. And if I want that to be true, I’ve got to turn over the decision making for them. I’ve got to help [00:33:00] them learn how to arrive at their own answers. Right. And I can’t do that if I’m providing the answers. Right. And to me, that’s a, that’s a key function of leadership.

Yes. But that’s not always been how we orient towards leadership. Right. And so our expectations, like we expect the leader to just deliver, right. It’s like, if, if you’re working with me. that’s not gonna happen. Right. Because my, my job is to build capacity in you so that you look so that you don’t have to come to me.

Right. Because you know how to tune into yourself and how to chart a path to the answer. Yeah. And try it out and fail at it and be okay with that and try something else and fail at it until you get it. Right. Right. I don’t know why that, there’s a weird comment there. I’m not gonna put it up on the screen.

because people are peopling. What happens? Yeah. So how does one start to unlearn some of the automatic responses or reactions we have to things, how do we start to unlearn that? [00:34:00] I think the first step is like committing to awareness, right? Like just becoming aware of how we think about things. I think that energy leadership index is a great starting place for that.

because it allows us to see, and in the debrief we do with people, it allows people to see, like, this is the lens through which I’m looking in, which situations is at my default. Like what are some of the things that, that trigger me to look through that lens? And how do I wanna look through, like, what lens do I wanna look through?

How do I want to show up? What are the thoughts that are leading me to show up in this way? Right. And I think if it’s new work, which for most people, it is like trying to do that on your own. I’d imagine would lead to a lot of judgment, like a lot of self-judgment, because then you’re like, why am I this way?

Right. Why can’t I figure this out? When in reality, like, this is a new way of thinking. Yeah. It’s taken us, you know, I’m [00:35:00] 45, it’s taken 40 years to, to think the way that I think. Right. So to unlearn also takes time. And to do that with support of somebody who. Can help you stay out of judgment. Yeah. And keep your eye on where you’re going is, is just part of the work.

Yep. My guess last night was sharing how she wrote a book about fear, but she was sharing how, when she went through a divorce in her forties she kind of started acting clingy, you know, desperate, all the things. And she looked back at to, and she didn’t need to feel that way because she made plenty of money.

She, you know, she could be self supportive and everything. So the bottom line is she looked back and she realized she was actually reverting back to her five year old self because of how she had been brought up. She was in a, you know, she explained it better than I can, but bottom line is when you.

Looking through the lens maybe of your five year old self, you know, [00:36:00] and reverting back to how you felt then when you’re feeling abandoned or going through, you know, a divorce or whatever, she had felt kind of a little abandoned as a child, then you’re making decisions from that five year old’s perspective.

So, and they’re kind of auto automatic decisions. That’s how our brain does. Oh, this happened mm-hmm , this is how we’re gonna feel. And so it it’s a matter of awareness, like you were saying, like, what are my thoughts? What are my feelings? Where has this been a repeating pattern in my life? Yeah. Oh, and I think that’s part of it and we have to be careful not to get stuck in that spiral.

Right, right. Cause we can, we can, we can become aware and then end up in this like cyclical. Pattern of not woe is me, but trying so hard to unpack why we are where we are. Yeah. Which is different from saying, [00:37:00] this is where I am. Everything in my life can either serve me or sabotage me. Mm-hmm how do I want to let this experience serve me?

And we have a choice and we have a choice. Right. And, and sometimes it can feel like we don’t have a choice. Right. And learning how to remind ourselves, like, how do I want to allow this experience to allow this experience to serve me? Yeah. Right. Like we, we both, everybody’s been through some crazy stuff.

Every experience can either serve you or sabotage you. Yeah. Serve you or stifle you. Right. So we can look back all we want to, it’s not gonna change. What’s happened back there. Do more to let it, I think she was saying, it’s just a way of understanding why she was reacting this way, but not to like dwell on it, but to understand that and that it repeats her in herself cuz she [00:38:00] has this automatic reaction and then realizing that she can choose a different way of being yeah.

Choice is powerful. Yeah. So you made a choice to take July off. Tell us about that. I mean, you’re a, you’re a, you’re an entrepreneur. Aren’t you supposed to be pushing through the summer? Push, push, push, bringing clients, listen, listen, you take the whole month of July off do that. I’m taking the month of July off.

I was actually having a conversation with my coach and I before the conversation, I was like, I was feeling like, you know, the, the money was funny. Like it just seemed slower. And I was like, wait, let me slow down for a second. And let me get the facts. And so I wrote down on a post, it like what the contracts were, where things were.

And I was like, okay, just because I don’t see it directly, it’s still on its way to me. And that’s fine. And I, and then when I got on the phone with my coach, I was talking about why I wasn’t extending [00:39:00] offers. Like, I, I felt like I, there were offers that I needed to put out. My framework is like powerful.

Why was I not? Why was it sitting and not serving? And over the course of the conversation, I realized that I’m an off season. Like I’m in a season of rest because my next season is massive. And I cannot go into that season of my life or of my work tired. So this was, and, and he called it like, because part of what I talk about in my sustainability bucket is gardening.

Like the concept of like treating ourselves like our own beloved garden. He said, You rotate crops, like everything is not in season year round. Right. And when you try to produce fruit in your off season, it’s not your best fruit. And I was like, yo, I am trying to produce my best fruit. That means I have to produce when it is in [00:40:00] season.

And when it is out of season, I need to rest. Right. So it’s like, I’m gonna rest. I’m gonna take July and I’m gonna practice what I teach. Right. If I’m gonna talk about sustainability, the universe was like, oh, you’re gonna talk about it. Let’s see if you’re gonna be about it first. Right. So how’s it going?

It’s the first, the first day I was mad , which is, which is good. Cause I think it’s reminding, like, if I’m gonna invite people to make sustainability of practice, I need to know. what it feels like, like where the bumps on the road are. Mm-hmm I feel like that’s part of my, my life’s work is to go first mm-hmm so that I always remember, right.

Mm-hmm the first day I was mad because my daughter wanted to go to this pizza place that I don’t wanna go to. And I went because my daughter wanted to go and I was just like, I don’t want this month to feel like me doing all the things that everybody else wants me to do. And me not doing the things that I don’t wanna do.[00:41:00] 

And I was like, oh, what I am learning in this moment is that I actually don’t know how to be off mm-hmm . And so part of what’s happening for me in this month is learning what refreshes me, learning what energizes me, trying out some things that may work that may not work, but because I’m giving myself a year to make this a practice, right.

Then I don’t have to figure it all out this time. I could give myself permission to. Lay on the couch and be like, oh, well that was a waste of a day. And be okay with that today. I was just like, I’m just on the couch. Yeah. I’m not doing anything. Right. So I’m learning how to make sustainability of practice.

And I’m just doing a, like a running start, right. This is a year long practice for me a year long, but it’s a month that you’re taking off. What’s the year long thing. So I’m [00:42:00] taking the month of July and in August, I’m kicking off my garden club and a garden club is for the coaches and business owners who wanna make sustainability of practice so that they can continue to lead and live well.

So every month, one day a month, I’m taking off like off, off, off, off. And that is time for me to reflect on how have I tended to myself as a garden over the course of that month. And then once a season like winter, spring, summer, fall, I’m gonna take two or three days and be off and get in quiet with myself and take a, a longer look at how I’ve built in sustainability, how I’ve lived in alignment, how I’ve lived towards my impact.

So that it becomes a practice, right? It becomes a practice to refresh. It becomes a practice to harvest. Like I am one of the six pillars of sustainability for me is harvesting and I’m not good at celebrating my wins. Right. I’m not good at like [00:43:00] reaping the benefits of the harvest that I’m working for because I’m, I’m, I’m holding space for other people.

And so part of this yearlong practices, how do you, how do you indulge in your harvest? Right? How do you take pause? How do you prune and trim the fat in places that are like no longer bearing fruit? Like there’s a real beautiful. Unfolding and building in sustainability over time. Mm-hmm and I’m like, so ready for it.

So ready. I love that. So what have you done for you so far? So I, I got off the phone with my coach last week and I called my girlfriend in DC and I was like, I’m coming to you and we are going to cackle. I want you to find us a really nice hotel. We’re gonna sit in our roads and cackle and eat good food and do nothing, but just enjoy ourselves as like adults.

That was one of the things I [00:44:00] wanted to do. So I’ve already got that on the books. I also wanted to take a couple of days just by myself. Mm-hmm and I had some guilt around that. Cause you know, I’ve got two kids, a husband, like, yeah, whatever. But I, I walked out to talked to my husband and I was like, look, I need these two days to unplug, to be quiet with myself.

To not have any other agenda other than mine. So that’s in the books. Those are the two things that I’m really excited about. There’s a possible second trip to see another girlfriend in North Carolina. But I’m not trying to do everything in this month because then that tendency to wanna do everything, it comes from place of scarcity, right?

Like, oh, if I don’t get it all done in this month, I’ll never have an opportunity to do it again, false. Right. I’m gonna do what feels good for me in this month. And then next month I’m gonna do what feels good for me. And next month, yeah, rest is abundant. And if it’s [00:45:00] abundant, I don’t have to chase it.

Right. I’m not chasing right. That’s awesome. For me, I’m, you know, one of the things I’ve done, it may sound little, but it’s kind of big for me. You know, I’ve published over 200 podcasts. I’ve not missed a Monday publishing an episode in over three years. And that’s a, can I wait, are you celebrating that?

Like, you’re gonna celebrate that, right? Cause that’s, we did have a three year celebration. I remember that, so, okay. So I did celebrate that way and I’m taking next week to go to Denver, with my grandson and visit my daughter. And then the week after that, he’s staying with me and I’m not gonna do a broadcast those next two weeks.

And that impacts my schedule a little bit. And so there’s gonna be a couple Mondays where I’m not publishing an episode and I’m okay with that. Yes. That’s a big step for somebody like me. yes. Well, let’s celebrate that too. Let’s [00:46:00] celebrate, like, being okay with like I’m taking off because I am indulging.

I’m harvesting. Yeah. The fruits of my labor. Like my work allows me to take time off and be with my daughter and be with my grandson. Yeah. What a beautiful harvest. Right? I’m so excited. We’re gonna go he’s flown once, but that was when he was like three two and a half. Yeah, I think. And so now he’s almost six, so it’s gonna be so fun.

We fly out Monday and we’re gonna go to Pike’s peak on Wednesday and my daughter’s taken the whole, the whole week off. So I’m just really excited. And then when he is here we’re just gonna go hang out at the pool. And I did that last summer with him. I spent two weeks with him and I think I, I did a little bit of work last year.

I’ll probably do a little bit this year, like in the morning when he’s he’s sleeping or something, I’ll get a few things done just to kind of keep things moving, but, and then I’m also gonna plan on a, I know, I know, but I started a new, I started a new thing at positive intelligence. I think I told you that.

Right. [00:47:00] Okay. So it’s kind of the timing. So I might just have a couple of things to do, but anyway, and then but I am gonna take some time off to go to Denver to visit my daughter in August. And then I planned a trip with my parents in October. So I’m thinking ahead and planning things. And then I’m also working on planning a trip just for me, just.

Where, like I wanna do silent meditation. 

[00:48:00] 

I highly, okay. I was about to ask you, what are you doing for you? Cause I hear a lot of like doing with other people, for other people. Yeah. Silent meditation retreat is what I wanna do next. Okay. That’s a, like when I did my first personal retreat it wasn’t silent, but it was unplugged mm-hmm [00:49:00] and I was like, everybody should do this.

Mm-hmm like, that’s how my retreat started. Like the first retreat I did, like I went on a personal retreat. I was like, oh, I’m gonna do this again. And bring people with me. Yeah. Because it is powerful to lie down in a hammock and just be, and just be, and just be, yeah, like just be, I mean, how, like I would challenge everybody, like everybody, everybody to think about.

When was the last time you just gave yourself space and permission to just be, not be doing, but to just be. It is. I did it all weekend this past weekend. it was awesome. Wasn’t wasn’t wasn’t it lovely? Yeah, this is lovely. It was awesome. I read a book called I don’t gonna forget about it where the, about something about the crawdads and the movies coming out.

Mm-hmm mm-hmm have you read that book. I started it, but I couldn’t get into it. I did get into it. I wanna see the movie. So, but yeah, you take yourself to the movies. [00:50:00] I’m gonna go to my I’m gonna go to the movies by myself or with my mom, but sometimes I’ve, I’ve gone by myself. Mm-hmm gone out to eat by myself, gone into a coffee shop by myself.

That’s time away. I feel like, you know, going it’s spending it’s spending time with yourself, spending time with just me. Yeah. Mm-hmm yeah. So what’s next for you? Cause we, we have like 10 minutes, we wrap it up. What’s next after you’re done with my July. Yeah. I mean, I have a couple of speaking engagements in August, so August 2nd I’ll be doing a keynote speech in Dallas.

And then I have another one in Michigan, a couple of weeks after that. And I’ll be in the process of launching my garden club, which is like, the seed has already been planted for that. So I’m, I’m letting nature do its thing and it’s sprouting roots and whatever it’s doing over there, where’s seed planted.

They should go to your website. People could go to your website, which I put up there. Yeah. It’s it’s I think it’s Aisha Crum, [00:51:00] mine.com/garden club. I think that’s what it’s. And there’s an overview that kind of walks through what it is, why it is. I saw it on there. Yep. Yeah. And I’m, I’m I’m so.

Proud to put that out into the world, right. To help people make sustainability of practice and to give ourselves a year to do it. And it’s not, it’s not an inexpensive experience, but our gifts are not inexpensive. Like our gifts are invaluable. And, and sometimes I think we shortchange ourselves by looking for the least expensive way to take care of ourselves.

Yeah. And I’m like, no, like I’m, I wanna treat myself like Oprah treats her garden, right? Like if you’ve ever seen Oprah with her garden, she’s like, look at these big luscious baskets of fruit and vegetables that I harvested because she takes great care of her garden because she knows that. [00:52:00] it will continue to feed her and nurture her if she takes care of it.

Well, and so this garden club opportunity is really an opportunity for us to take care of ourselves. Well, yeah. Right. Beautifully well. And we deserve that our gifts are, our gifts are too great. Mm-hmm I agree. Shannon says, come on and preach. Jennifer says I love taking time off and time for myself, but often find it so hard to get going again.

I feel like a train once it stops getting back on track and moving forward, it takes longer than I’d like, can I speak to it? Yes, you may. I think that’s because we put a lot of expectations on one time off. Like we, we, we take so long before we actually take time off that when we do, we expect that one, pause to be everything.

Which is partially why I’m like sustainability has to be a practice. It has to be something that you do [00:53:00] ongoing so that you never put so much pressure. Like when I took July off at first, I was putting this pressure on July to be everything. And that comes from a place of scarcity when I was like, actually I don’t, I don’t need lie to be everything because I’m gonna make this a practice.

I’m gonna make deposits into my garden on a regular basis. And as I continue to do that, it will produce a harvest. When it’s time. I will learn when to prune the leaves that no longer need to be there. I will celebrate and myself like that then becomes the practice. And you don’t have to sort up all of your exhaustion for one trip.

Right, right. Yeah. For sure. Perilla I’m glad you’re here tonight. Yeah. You said, do you wanna learn about positive intelligence? Feel free to message me. We can set up a, a meeting and, and go to positive intelligence.com to learn a little bit about it. I just started supporting [00:54:00] them as the director of us government accounts and.

I love working with that company. It’s just amazing the way when you go through that positive intelligence program and you learn about your saboteurs and your sages, and you, you kind of install this operating system, let’s say in your, in your mind of a new way of, of being, and everybody there speaks that language, you know, they understand what the saboteurs are.

They understand what Sage is. They understand what a PQ rep is and how to you know, prevent our minds from, from sabotaging us. And we all, you know, get sabotaged, even SZA Shain the the head of the company, you know, he gave a, a lecture of an, a little seminar today, a webinar for coaches talking about how, you know, he gets hijacked, but he acts as he asks people to call him out on it to say, Hey, let’s do a PQ rep.

Let’s just recenter ourselves. Let’s operate, let’s make our decisions from the Sage perspective, from that piece of calm, the place of calm and [00:55:00] centeredness instead of. right. And they live that. So feel free to message me if you wanna learn more about that Perilla and, and go through the program. So Aisha, as we wrap it up people can reach you by emailing you.

I’ll put your email address up here, just Aisha, Aisha, corine.com and your website, Aisha combine.com. And you’ve got your, your sustainability group is kicking off in August, in August, the last weekend, the last week in August. Okay. Is we’ll have our first group session and then we’ll have our first retreat in September.

Awesome. Where’s it gonna be? Do you know? I’m not telling ah but you know, I, I, I, I was gonna say, I like luxury. I do like luxury. I know you do. I love luxury. I love to be taken care of. So that I can focus on myself. Like if I have to cook, if I have to like, make those content decisions, then I can’t do my own work.

That’s not [00:56:00] a retreat. Yeah. That’s not a retreat. Mm-hmm no, thank you. Right. Yeah. So that’s exciting to your, to your point. Like people can go to the website, but I’m also really active on LinkedIn. Yeah. You are. You have great posts on LinkedIn. Yeah. So folks should feel free to follow along on LinkedIn or connect with me on LinkedIn.

Yeah. I love your LinkedIn post. You did one about how you’re taking July off and about the thought process that you went through and working with your coach about doing that. So, and you and your sustainability PA, that your website’s just awesome. The word you use. I mean, does it come naturally to you?

Yeah. Yeah. It’s part of my gift. Yeah. It really is. It’s a part of my gift. Yeah. And I’m so grateful cuz I, I used to wanna be a writer and I know that that’s gonna come back and serve me. Like I know that it’s in there. Yeah. So I’m just like, oh, it’s coming. Your book, you mean it’s coming, you’re gonna write a book.

It’s coming, it’s coming. And whenever, whenever it comes, I’m gonna allow [00:57:00] it. But it’s, I know it’s in there. Yeah. NAI, you know, nae. This is so timely for me. Thank you, Aisha. Finally, really realizing how to take care, taking care of myself and spending time with just me is important. Taking my first solo trip tomorrow.

Awesome. Yes. Where are you going? I’m so, I’m so I’m so happy for you that there’s, there’s something really beautiful about going by yourself. Yes, and I, I am, I am a better mother. I’m a better partner. Like I’m a better human when I take care of myself first. And sometimes we feel like that’s selfish. Like even when I was like, I’m gonna take these two days for myself.

Mm-hmm I felt guilty. Mm-hmm because I was like, my husband is always here and he’s, you know, he’s like, you know, best parent ever, you know, that kind of thing. I was like, if. I want to be my best self too. And the way that I get there is by taking this time for myself.[00:58:00] 

That’s awesome. I was just in Portland, Oregon. That was time for myself. I loved it. I met up with my roommate from college. Yeah. Donette take care of yourself first. Yeah. Yep. Take care of yourself. First alignment, impact and sustainability. Those are the keys to your unleashed life. Thank you for being my guest tonight, Aisha.

I really appreciate it. I’m so glad we met in our coaching program and I’m so glad you had me here and you invited me, right? Like to invite me to, to be in this space with you and to connect with your people. This is big work and I’m really glad to be able to do it with you. Thank you. 

Thank you, everybody for watching tonight for chiming in, in the, in the comments in the chat. I really appreciate you all being here. I’m taking a couple weeks off. I think my next live is on. I wanna say it’s July 27th. That’s when I’ll be back. So I’m just taking some time off, spend with my grandson two weeks.

He’s such a joy to be around and [00:59:00] I’m so excited. And when I see it’s so fun to see the world through his eyes, you know, to see flying on an airplane through his eyes, to see Pikes peak through his eyes, it’s just I really enjoy it too, because I’ve learned to be in the moment and that makes it so much more enjoyable.

When I’m with him, I wasn’t that way a lot of my life and I, and I just thought, well, I’m just so busy. This is how life is. And I’ve learned how to. Show up differently and it feels so good. Thank you all for watching. And I’ll see you in a few weeks. I hope you guys are having a great summer. All right.

Onward live is sponsored by Emily Harmon, coaching and consulting. Visit my website, Emily harmon.com to learn more about me and my coaching programs. I’d love to help you create a life you love living. Remember every adversity is our own personal [01:00:00] university. Sometimes the lessons are difficult and we must learn from our experiences.

Vulnerability is your superpower. You are lovable and worthy, and we discuss these topics and more because professional is personal. Thank you for joining us and engaging with me and my guest.