From My Heart to Yours – You Are Not Your Mistakes

[00:00:00] Or a shift in the wind, a body underground. Welcome to Onward Live a live stream, focused on encouraging you to create a life you love living. Now let’s go beyond success to significance, being clear on our why is crucial. It requires doing the inner work, finding ourselves, getting to know ourselves, embracing our inner child, shedding social conditioning, and letting go of perfect.

We know obstacles make [00:01:00] us stronger. We can dream big and take action. Believe you can. And you’re halfway there. I invite you to tune in every week and engage with me and my inspiring guests. Invite your friends. Let’s make time for what matters most in our lives. Let’s move on together.

I have to admit, I’m getting a little sentimental watching that, cuz I don’t know if you guys saw my live today. I said that, uh, I’m stopping this show after about 10 more episodes. So the people that are scheduled, I’m gonna finish that up and then I’m gonna, I’m gonna take a break. Uh, I don’t know how long the break will be, but um, creating time to hike and camp and be, and spend more time with my kids and you know, I am retired.

Right. So I guess that’s something that I’m allowed to do. Um, hi James. Welcome. [00:02:00] So, uh, you know, just watching that intro and just thinking about all the work that goes into doing a live stream. I was talking with Tim so a little bit today we were exchanging messages back and forth on, uh, on LinkedIn. And uh, it is, it is time consuming.

It’s challenging. It’s fun. I love doing the interviews. I learn from every guest. And sometimes, especially like after three and a half years or so of doing this it’s, uh, time to, to move on to something else. So that’s what I’m doing. So I’m excited to have Brad Benell here tonight and he is the chief heartset officer coach for, for his company, from my heart to yours.

And he’s the author of a book called from my heart to yours. I am not my mistakes. He’s a former chief petty officer. So he’s a fellow Navy veteran and he’s a dad, a grandfather. He calls himself a grandpa and he’s a survivor of suicide loss. So please join us. [00:03:00] We’re gonna talk about the importance of our mental health and wellbeing and creating lives that we love living.

And we’re also gonna talk about how leaders, you know, at work, how can we, how can leaders engage with their. On mental health and wellbeing types of issues. Because sometimes that’s something that if, if you don’t experience it yourself or you don’t know that much about it, or you might think, well, it doesn’t belong as a discussion in the workplace, you know, all these things.

So I’m looking forward to, uh, bringing Brad on and yes, James you’re right. You need, I need you, you said you need you time and that’s exactly right. And I’m creating that time for myself. So let me bring Brad in. Welcome Brad. Well, thank you very much, man. What a great, great intro. That’s awesome. And, uh, man, how blessed do I feel to be in, uh, some of your, um, the final 10 countdown that, yeah, that’s, that’s.

[00:04:00] Yeah. Uh, you know, you don’t get that, that opportunity too many times. So that’s, that’s that? That’s wonderful. Thank you so much. Oh, you’re welcome. I’m I’m excited to have you here. And, um, oh, I I’ve watched a lot of, um, your interviews in the past. I’m gonna pretend like, I don’t know much when I’m asking you questions cuz some of the guests are people watching may not know that much.

And, and then also just your posts on LinkedIn lately, you’ve been posting, uh, quite a bit. You’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. It seems like mm-hmm . And so, um, why don’t you just tell us a little bit about your, your story? Well, uh, I guess it, you know, to start out where it’s at, um, you know, it, it’s funny how things go in in your journey.

Uh, mine is obviously was started with, with my daughter when she was born in, uh, California and she struggled, you know, for, for quite a long while trying to find her place in life and uh, She went to San Diego [00:05:00] state and I had a, was a major in psychology of all things. Um, and then she moved on to her master’s program in to become a full-time clinician.

And she was about two, uh, two classes away from completing her master’s program. And she dropped out kind of leading up to that. She was getting into what they call practicum and within practicum, that’s the that’s equivalent of residency for, you know, for obviously for mental health commissions. So she had three choices.

One was working at, at risk girls. Another one was working alongside, uh, one of her professors who was a clinician who’s in marriage and family therapy, which was eventually the area where she wanted to go to in practice mm-hmm and the last one was working in pediatric hospice. Um, it’s a tough environment.

I mean, I, I, I experienced the loss of my father, uh, as a result of, of cancer [00:06:00] and his was pancreatic, but I also had friends of mine that ha that, that work in hospice and, you know, and they work with adults. And one of the things I brought up to them told them about the opportunity for my daughter. And they said, you know, Brad, that’s a tough environment.

Mm-hmm . And tell me about your daughter. And I goes, she’s highly empathetic. And really has that level of bonding in, you know, she’s one of those that won’t, didn’t wanna step on a bug, let alone anything else. And I was really deeply concerned for her mental wellbeing that I wanted to make sure that she understood the depth.

And, you know, she asked me, she goes, what do you think dad? And I’m like, you know, honey? I says, well, the first two sound phenomenal. I says, I think you’d be good in it. Any of ’em not that I don’t think that you could do a great job at the pediatric hospice component of it. I’m just extremely concerned because I have friends of mine that are in that.

And I said, I would prefer you to make a different choice, but that’s up to you. Mm-hmm what she heard was I didn’t think she could do it. Oh. [00:07:00] So, uh, she ended up picking that up. Um, it was right around. Um, how do you know that’s what she heard? Because later on I asked her mm-hmm and in my head, I was like, I wonder if she thinks that, and it was many years later that I did ask her that question.

Okay. So 2007, she ends up dropping out and she begins her. What I call the running away from herself. Uh, she asked her if she could come home and I said, well, let me figure some things out. Yeah. Had she start? I’m sorry. Had she started the pediatric work? Oh yeah. Okay. And then she dropped out. Yeah, she was, she was in, she only had two practicums left.

Okay. And, uh, but. She drops out and she wanted to come back to Michigan. And I said, well, let me figure some things out. I talked to her the next day. I said, we figure some things out. You need to go ahead. I said, I’ve got a friend of mine. That was a, that was a therapist. Had that taken care, get her [00:08:00] car, find her, find her a job.

I said, but you’re gonna have to end up going to therapy. So that was really my first, um, inclination that she was running because she ended up going living with her, um, older SIS oldest, half sister up in Wasilla, Alaska. Now my daughter is, was absolute beach beach girl, Southern California, all the way, blonde hair, blue eyes, you know, loved the beach, lived for the, the ocean and for her to make that go to Alaska yeah, it was just, you know, something was wrong and those type of things started, ended up happening more frequently.

Her behavior became erratic and she, um, she was. Tried to wanted to come back home again later on after many years. And I just said, you know, I’ll help you any way I can, but you need to stay put where you’re at. I said, I’ll help you with therapy. You’ll pay for that, whatever that looks like I said, but you need to plant your feet firmly where you’re at and face your demons.

[00:09:00] Mm-hmm see. She didn’t like that answer. And it was about two days later, I get a, I got a phone call from, uh, from her mom telling me that she had been in, in an accident. Uh, she was up in big bear and, uh, crashed her car and, uh, went to love me, Linda, which is one of the best trauma hospitals in Southern California.

And she was not doing very well. Uh, she was on an innovator, um, you know, pretty, pretty bummed up. I I’ll be honest with you. I didn’t even recognize her. Oh, wow. That’s sorry. And uh, I appreciate that. And. It wasn’t until many days later that she was able to be, uh, had the innovation removed, that she was finally told me that she had attempted suicide.

Uh, I have pictures of the vehicle. Um, it was a mini Cooper. She had aimed it into the [00:10:00] side of a, of a mountain. I, I have to this day, I have absolutely no idea how she escaped, because if you take a look at the distance between the wheel and the driver’s driver’s side seating, it’s that close. So, wow. I, I have absolutely no clue on how she survived.

Uh, but she did. Um, it took on off, she had an open wound that never, never healed, uh, 2017. She had another attempt. Um, and it was during that year, she ended up coming out, uh, to Michigan for her sister’s wedding, but she just wasn’t in any physical shape, really to. So I had to make other arrangements for her for the evening in order to be taken care of.

Um, and then was she getting help then or no. Did she go, she was one of those that she cycled. Uh mm-hmm she, um, she would go for a couple of two or [00:11:00] three sessions and then she’d go, it’s just not working that she would have, uh, it just didn’t work out type of mentality. She didn’t want to do the work. Um, it, then, you know, when she did take her life in on May 28th, 2018, when, uh, she jumped off a ninth story building.

Oh, wow. Um, and it was at her at her mom’s, uh, apartment building. And I didn’t get the, I didn’t see the call until about three o’clock in the morning and I gave a call back and, uh, her mom informed me what ended up happening. So it’s one of those that, you know, that’s, when you start really looking inward, it would you, you try to prepare yourself for those types of things.

Uh, and you know, you’re really not. Uh, it, it was interesting when I finally did, was talking to a therapist, we did do a, a forensic analysis of sorts [00:12:00] on, you know, some of her, uh, symptomology and what she ended up having, uh, into some of the things that she ended up dealing with. And my therapist ended up just identifying, uh, that the high likelihood was she was borderline personality disorder.

Mm-hmm , and it really did fit. If I, you know, you take a look at, uh, you know, the DSM four, and it talks about the different types of mental, mental issues that, that surround that. And she fit a lot of the criteria that was dealing with that. So I think from that standpoint, it, at least I was able to put a name to.

Yeah, and really better understand on, on, on what that, on what that was, the challenge really becomes at after that point is, uh, obviously my marriage didn’t didn’t, um, didn’t survive for a number of different reasons, but it wasn’t until November of November 30th of, uh, 2020, [00:13:00] uh, when my, my boss called me in the office and said, Brad, you gotta go off for two months.

You gotta go out. Uh, and you’re, you know, we just see some things and you need to go ahead and take time for you. So I availed myself to F M L a and I talked to my, my therapist and you’re thinking, you know, I’m thinking when I, you know, going for that, he’s, you know, severe depression, whatever that is, when you get the diagnosis back, it’s something that I wasn’t even ready for.

It was diagnosed for PTSD and I’m like, Wait a minute. Uh, you know, I was never in combat. Uh, I was, but because of what ended up happening over a longer period of time and the, uh, dramatic instance of those types of things that ended up occurring, it fell under that category. So it was one of those that you look at.

Okay. Now what, uh, when I woke up the next [00:14:00] morning after putting in my paperwork, it was one of those situations where you just go now what, um, the, the night that I was home by myself, um, it wasn’t great. I was definitely not in a very good mental space, and this is not something that I say lightly. Uh, but I did seriously consider taking my life that night.

It was just one of those things. You’re just so overwhelmed with everything that. You know, I needed to do something and I made a decision that, you know, the only way that I was gonna be able to get through is to take some really drastic exception. One of those, uh, I, I got on the internet right away and I made reservations for, uh, to go out, to see my mom and my brother out in California.

And I spent three weeks out in California visiting my family, visiting friends, and trying to [00:15:00] get back in a right head space. Uh, I was really fortunate that, uh, I was in therapy at that point, had a great therapist. He was, he was absolutely wonderful. And I was also part of another international men’s group, national men’s group called uncivil uncivil nations with Trevor bowl.

And we just happened to have an instance where we had a practice that one of those days when I was out there by lady, by the name of Lela DLA, and she ends up talk, did worked us through a breathing practice. that was able to free your mind in order to do, uh, get back to where your root trauma was at.

Now, I will flat out tell you, you know, my, my whole mental picture in my head was that most people know me. I was a warrior basically, as you know, you know, uh, 15 years of the military and I was like going, yes, that soft type of stuff. Yeah. Right. Go away from that. I don’t need it. Let me ask you a question though.

But like, so [00:16:00] how old was your daughter? She was, I had to, I got, I had to think about this. She was 37 years old. Had just, you know, her birthday was, uh, on April 22nd of that year after she turned 37. Yeah. Right after she turned 37. And then when your boss asked, you said you gotta take time off. I mean, were you aware before he said that that something was not right?

Oh, I thought I was, I was hiding get, well, I was like, well, yeah, I’m doing fine. There was days where I was, you know, It wasn’t I had my good days. I had my bad days, but I, I think that there was a lot of things that I was just fool myself to be perfectly honest. Yeah. But so you didn’t fight him saying that you’re like, okay, I’ll do it.

I didn’t have Elizabeth it this way. I didn’t have any choice. Okay. You know, they said you’re going out. Uh, so when you look back at that, you know, we were gonna talk about like, what employers could do. Do you think that was the right way to handle. , you know, it was the way that they handled it to be [00:17:00] perfectly honest.

Uh, each state really has to take a look at the laws mm-hmm and here in Michigan, uh, legally, could they have done that? Not really, uh, the laws state within mental health issues that they’re not allowed to go ahead and do that now for me. Was it the right thing? Absolutely. But he, well, he didn’t fire you either.

He just said you gotta take some leave. Right? Well, I was on, I was, I was on paid suspension. Okay. All right. And, but that’s okay. I mean, you know, I, I cover myself under, under F M L a, but that was what they encouraged me to do. Okay. So I took that as a gift. And when I went out, it was just something that I needed to do.

And I was still going through seeing my therapist and I was doing that online. And then, you know, I get through this point and this epiphany of where my. Childhood traumas all started coming into play at all these things. And you’re coming a wash, you know, your first childhood trauma attachment issues, uh, the PTSD component, [00:18:00] uh, you know, self-trust, self-worth all those types of things start coming into play.

It’s overwhelming. It, it is. And then all of a sudden I meet these two amazing people, uh, MI Michael Patran and Lee mm-hmm and, uh, you know, they said, Hey, Brad, you know, we’re seeing you individually. And we really have this thing where we meet together and they’d be able to go ahead, have more benefit. I said, yeah, well, I could edit.

They kept talking to me about this breath framework thing. And I said, well, you know, I’ll go ahead and get into that. And I could teach a couple things. Well, I tell you something, it was totally transformational for me because it enabled me to really look at the very heart of my issues and where they resided, you know, it came from, um, my dad was.

Had major trauma that he carried with him. He was in the military. He was, um, in, in the teams, in, in Korea. And, um, he almost didn’t make it, he [00:19:00] went into, um, you know, in country and there was 109, three came out and he was, oh wow. At treasure island. So, you know, recuperating from, from wound sustained in battle.

And you know, he also lost his, his sister and his father in a fire in 1943, made words of the court went to the, you know, went to an orphanage and was there until he graduated from high school. Did you know this? Oh yeah. Were you, you knew it, but you didn’t really like. Know it from a trauma perspective maybe.

No. And like how that passes on. Yeah, yeah. Not, not a clue. Mm-hmm because those are things that I experience with my dad, you know, dad’s anger kind of his volatility, those type of things. And just some things that I experience with, with my mom, all these things are in the book, by the way. So mm-hmm, those people want to go ahead and go more in depth.

They’re certainly able to, and by the way, all these things that I talk about, uh, I’ve already talked with my mom and yeah. And the people that are involved for the most part. Um, but I think [00:20:00] those challenges that you see within yourself is, is how you start coming through those and you, and as I was working through those things with, with Annie and Michael, uh, I really started coming out the other side.

I, you know, I took, there was a particular point that I made a decision when I was in allow and I’m, and it was just probably one of the weirdest places, because. There was weeks that I would just show up and say, I don’t wanna be here. I don’t wanna read you what I have in their coaching program. Oh yeah.

I just had, I had no desire to go ahead and read anything and they were very tearful. Um, and they were very cathartic going through these things. So as you start looking inward about who you are and what you have drug with you, mm-hmm . I made some decisions on, uh, on myself. I already knew what my core values were.

I knew where I started at. I knew what power I had to go ahead and claim back what was [00:21:00] important, what was not important. And I also shed some things, uh, at that I took a total break from dating. I took, you know, uh, I made it a conscious decision to, uh, live a clean and sober life. I never had any problem with drugs or alcohol.

This was never something that I really had any issues with, but is this something I said, you know, this is something I needed my life mm-hmm and I really needed to be focused. Uh, I had met my, my girlfriend that I have now way back then, and I just didn’t feel ready and I didn’t feel worthy of her at that particular time.

Mm-hmm and I told her, I said, you know, I’m just not ready. And it’s, you know, when I finally called her up last year, she goes, I haven’t talked to you in months, you know? And here you are. Um, awesome. But I think that those things and helping you understand how you get to the other side as I started going through, and I got to that healing side, I really started taking stock of how [00:22:00] did, how can I move forward with, with what I know now?

And it took, uh, honestly it took a, a full,

a full two years in order to get to the point of, you know, people can call it. Oh, I got to my happy place. I just call it my peace place. Yeah. Yeah, there I, there are people that have known me for many years and they say, you are not the same. Um, I don’t argue. I don’t wanna have to be right. All the time.

Perfectionism is, is horrible. Um, and I took a lot of time to study. Uh, Brene brown has been my, you know, such a huge influence, uh, Dr. Uh, Edith ever agar, phenomenal. Um, Kristin Neff with, you know, self-compassion, uh, Robin Sharma and, you know, talking about both heartset and mindset mm-hmm um, and that’s [00:23:00] people ask, how did you end up coming with such a fluffy kind of fru kind of name on your company for my heart to yours.

And I dare you, uh, to. To talk to anybody that says, you know, they haven’t had a change of heart. They haven’t, you know, they can go ahead and talk about mindset all day long. But if you don’t have that, you know, 18 inch or 12 inch decision between your heart and your mind, you’re a half a human, because when you have that interconnectedness, that’s really where it becomes powerful.

And it takes doing that inner work that it took you two years. Right. And you’re still, probably not there. You’re never there. You’re always improving. You’re always like increasing your awareness. Like, oh, that’s what that means. Or that’s, you know, that’s, you know, telling me something and so. , you know, I think you both, you and I both have seen where [00:24:00] there’s some people and we weren’t ready at some point.

Yeah. You have to be ready to do that work. Right. You can’t just say, yeah, I’ll sign up for a program and coach fix me. It’s not the coach fixing you with you. No, and it’s not fixing, but you know what I mean? It’s you doing the work on yourself? Yeah, it’s it is part of a lot of it. The way I look at it, uh, as a coach, I mean, I, I coach my youngest daughter in basketball and you know, and I I’ve coached other, other sports programs, but for me, when you look at somebody and you say, okay, show me something I’m like going, that’s up to you.

Right. It’s just, are you ready to show up for the game? Uh, are you willing to put in the. if you’re not, then I’m not the right person for you because, you know, uh, I’ll just tell people no, right. Uh, probably to the detriment of, of my business, but I would much prefer those individuals to come away from the interaction with me being able to think, [00:25:00] what did I do wrong?

Or what, what do I need to do next? That’s my preference. What do I need to do next for me? How does somebody know when they, when they wanna work on something like for you, your boss told you , you’ve got some, well, some of it was that, you know, I knew that I, but, but also I knew that things were not right.

Mm-hmm , you know, and I also recognized that, um, I needed, I needed some work and I think sometimes people need to have that wake up, call you, take a look in the mirror and you’re, what are you? I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t eating. Right. Um, I couldn’t gain weight by the way. Um, you know, here I was working with the fitness and the nutrition coach.

And I just couldn’t eat enough. Mm-hmm I mean, I just, I couldn’t do it. I mean, I was at 150 pounds. I’m not that anymore. Mm-hmm but it wasn’t healthy. I wasn’t, I wasn’t leading a healthy lifestyle and there was something physically and mentally missing. Uh, people can go ahead and lie to themselves all day [00:26:00] long, but you can’t lie to your family and over time what’s gonna end up happening.

Is that your, your body’s gonna start showing you that things are not right. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I, I, I completely agree. Like for me, um, I, you know, I had this intuition in the back of my mind about things, but I just kept pushing forward. I got a promotion moved to Washington DC. Mm-hmm . I was traveling a lot.

My job was keeping me really busy. Now, probably some of those trips I could have said, no, I’m not going or whatever, but yeah, I was traveling a lot and, um, I knew I wasn’t feeling my feelings. I didn’t, I’ve interviewed somebody before too said I didn’t really like some of the ways that I was coming across at work.

I’m like, that’s not me. And so I thought, well, I’ll when I retire, things are gonna get better. Um, it’s my job. It’s my boss. Right? It’s the other, it’s the circumstances. It’s somebody else. Yes. Somebody else. And once that changes, then things are gonna be a lot better. And my hip was really hurting too because [00:27:00] I wasn’t exercising enough.

And I, and I was sitting in planes and I was sitting at work and I, I did have a standup desk, but so the pain was coming and I mean, on my retirement day, I could hardly walk my pain. My hip was hurting so bad. So then right when I retire, I was busier than ever. I’m like, well, wait a second. I don’t have a boss and I don’t have.

Uh, a job, you know, per se, I was doing a podcast and I was gonna be a coach, but it’s like, that is what that, and then my kid’s dad passing away. Those two things like really woke me up, like, yeah, whoa, how do I wanna live my life? I, I have choices to make. Right. Mm-hmm and then when you’re ready to make those choices, instead of saying, well, I can’t, because you’re ready to say, well, how can I that’s when you’re ready to work with a coach, I think.

Yeah. Or I it’s, I think it’s really challenging to do it on your own on, because you can’t, we can’t see our own blind spots. That’s absolutely right. I think that’s one of the things that was, [00:28:00] uh, Phenomenal with the two coaches that, that I had, they were the right ones. And, and here’s what I recommend as far as for when you’re working with the coach, you better find one, that’s walked the same road that you have mm-hmm because it becomes a matter of trust.

And that’s really a key component. There was there’s two major components that were, it helped me transform my thought process completely. It was a matter of it wasn’t that, you know, people were untrustworthy. It was a matter of, I had no self trust for me. Uh, my, my worth was, was so, so totally outside of me because I look for other people to boost me up situations mm-hmm , uh, accolades, whatever it was being recognized.

You know, all you had to do was take a look at, you know, uh, my gold chevrons and my, and my gold hashtags to be able to go ahead and say, yeah, I was something else. Yeah. And hon, and honestly, um, the. When all [00:29:00] that stuff ends up going away at the end of the day, and you hang up that you hang up your uniform or you hang up, whatever it is you have you to look at and you have to make a choice.

Where does your happiness come from? Where does your, where does your love come from? Where does your compassion come from? Where does your trust come from? And if you’re self sabotaging, any relationships, whatever that those look like inward is where you need to start at. Because if you don’t start looking at those components and where they originate from you, you’re just not gonna get there.

I lo one of the things that, that I, that I keep goes through my head on a regular basis. And one of her books on Dr. Edith Edgar talks about is leaning in and getting curious about your feelings. And she talks about an instance and she’s a Holocaust survivor. Mm. And, and she was talking about this one instance where this young man ends up coming up, he’s wearing the brown boots he’s wearing, [00:30:00] you know, obviously he’s, you know, Neil Nazi and, you know, and she goes, one of the hardest things she goes, I was so angry and he started spewing off and she goes, the hardest thing I ever had to go ahead and do is tell me more whoa.

Why? And he was angry. yeah. Yeah. So, so I think that that’s also a component for each of us is, okay. Tell me more, tell me more about, you know, what’s going on. And if you have somebody that’s in that space that has, you know, chewed some of the ground that you have, and may not have the exact same experience, but they’re drawing from their experience, their hurts, their traumas, their pain.

In order to sit along with you now, it doesn’t mean that I diminish somebody that’s a therapist. Right? However, I will say I made my biggest breakthroughs in me personally, when I worked with my coaches. Mm-hmm because, um, there was no sugar [00:31:00] coating. There was no, you know, rumination about going back and forth to what I’d done in the past.

It was important for, to do that, to see foundationally what ended up happening, but by establishing my, my foundation where I was at and then regaining my, then reclaiming the power from people, uh, situations or events or conditions that prevented me from being my very best self at that point and rediscovering and evaluating and excavating my core values.

Is when I finally understood what did I value? I, I, I valued presence, quality time with people and being present for them. Instead of thinking about myself, number two, it was integrity. I didn’t have an awful lot of that because I was constantly thinking about me and being perfect all the time and how I was gonna project, how I looked.

And then, you know, number three is, is, is living with courage and having, being willing to have those hard conversations and being willing to receive those at the same [00:32:00] time. Mm-hmm . And then as you, as you live in being empathetic and living with empathy, it enables you to sit down alongside somebody else and say, tell me more and listening, as my girlfriend says, as I said before, talk a little, listen more yeah.

Well, how did you switch to being able to listen more? Um, cause you said you used to, you know, well, tonight you’re talking, you’re the guest, but you said you used to yeah. Talk a lot. Like how did you train yourself to listen more, to really listen, to really listen. It was, um, a gradual shift because I had to start looking at what worked and what didn’t.

And if I was so busy talking all of the time, I wasn’t listening. If I wasn’t listening, I wasn’t growing. If I wasn’t growing, I wasn’t invested within other people. If I was gonna make a difference in people and organizations and helping [00:33:00] them transform and helping them, I had to listen. And I also had to listen about things that were not being said, as opposed to just things that are being said.

Yeah. So it just became, I had to make. Major decision on who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be. And some of that was just letting go of, I didn’t need to be right, right. I didn’t need to be perfect. I just needed to be available. Mm-hmm mm-hmm and that’s how I just did a gradual change. It was it’s, you know, it’s really funny too.

I, I, as I talk about Maria and awful lot, my girlfriend mm-hmm , she’s absolutely wonderful. She’ll see me start slipping into old habits. Mm-hmm and she just reaches her hand over my leg and she goes, honey, do need to tell people everything. And she’s just very gentle. Uh, and I think that that’s what we look for.

And I have an internal, uh, locus that I end up hearing. Do I want to be, how much do [00:34:00] I want to talk? I’d rather rather listen, because I’m more interested in what other people had to say and what’s on their heart, because the only way that I can end up being there for them is to listen to them and let them know they’re important.

Well, you said an intention, right? So it sounds like you do some reflection too. And you think not only about like, what do I wanna accomplish today or what, but you think about like, how do I wanna be, who do I wanna be while I’m doing it? Right, right. Like, you know, I’ve, I’ve always been, you know, about my to-do list and now I’m more like, who am I being?

And, and, you know, when I retired, I couldn’t name my feelings. We don’t talk about feelings in the Navy, right? No, I couldn’t name my feelings. My, my coach would say, well, how does that feel? I’m like, I don’t know. I know what I think, which are two different sides of the brains, right? Yeah. The thinking is you’re left and the feelings are more you’re right.

And so I lived, um, a lot of one sided of my brain for a lot. And uh, now I [00:35:00] I’ve learned how to name my feelings and even to ask myself, okay, what am I feeling? And even to ask myself, okay, tell me more. What else am I feeling? Yeah. And to actually feel it, which is hard, which is not easy to do, but that’s the way to let that energy pass through you and not just stick in your body.

Yeah. I think the other components too, were, uh, sticking to a. And I’m be honest with you. I’m I’m horrible at journaling. I recommend it. Mm-hmm , I’m probably better at, you know, uh, Mariah Edington. She is just a phenomenal, so I just love her death and her husband by Herron, there just lovely people. And she introduced me to mirror work and mirror work is phenomenal.

Um, you know, people think, oh yeah, you look at the mirror and say, oh, what a great person really? It’s not, it’s just, it’s just identifying, you know, uh, how you would talk to somebody that you love. Yeah. Because you’re not gonna harm the heart of somebody that you dearly love or care about. It’s just [00:36:00] not gonna happen.

Uh, so that really end up being a transformational component for me as well. Same thing with, you know, with meditation. Uh, I, I couldn’t get through a day. I still can’t get through a day. Uh, meditating, meditating. That’s, that’s been challenging for me. My, my coach is like, okay, I want you to meditate every day for 40 days.

And she said, how much time do you have? And she had these choices, 15 minutes, 30 minutes an hour. So my hyper achiever’s like, well, I’m retired. I got an hour. Nah, I know I won’t do that. I’ll do 15 minutes. And then every other week, she’d say, what day are you on? I’d say one or two. She’d say, what’s going on.

I’m like, you don’t understand I’m busy, but once I did it, I, I do feel better when I meditate once I did it for the 40 days. So it just takes practice. And, and so it’s not right for everybody. Maybe you get into that meditated state when you work out or when there’s something else that you do. Mm-hmm , by the way, I’ve done that as well.

Um, I have a very weird type of thing that I’ll, that [00:37:00] I’ll do, uh, in the morning. Uh, I typically don’t when, after I’m done doing my weight workout, I’m gonna go ahead, switch over to my, uh, my treadmill. I turn off the lights. I like candle. Oh, wow. I have a, a particular station that I end up listening to.

There’s a, um, you know, either Japanese flute music, or there is daily calm that has about a 15 minute program where it just runs you through a, a breathing practice. Mm-hmm and I close my eyes when I’m and I listen to it as I’m on the treadmill. See, so you gotta figure out what works for you. Right. But that’s exactly calming your mind and yeah.

Being in a meditative state and training your mind to be able to be more aware, like, I didn’t even really realize I had a guess once that was telling me I hadn’t practiced yoga a lot, but he’s like, yo yoga is a way of practicing mindfulness. Right. Cause if you really just in the class, don’t just go through [00:38:00] the poses, but really focus on yes.

You know, how the poses feel and everything. It helps you with your mind to be able to. Be in the present moment. Absolutely. And I, I, I do that. Uh, I do yoga. I do Pilates, anything that, that ends up helping you get back to, to breathing centeredness, uh, you know, um, maybe seals actually have a box breathing that they typically end up doing, especially for snipers they’ll end up doing they do.

They, they breathe in four seconds, hold for four seconds release for four seconds hold and not, they’re just, and there is something about that is ultimately calming yeah. In, you know, at any given instance. So, you know, if I’m feeling like I’m really feeling like amped I’ll do that. Um, and I have a job where, you know, my, my nine to five that I’m doing outside of, you know, outside to be able to go ahead and keep the bills being paid here at the house.

Um, [00:39:00] I just don’t get really all that. Upset upset with things. I don’t get angry. I may get frustrated, but you know, then I start breathing. I going, why am I getting, you know, same thing with the tune I’m talking about too. Emily is just like, why, why am I getting upset with that? Where’s that coming from?

Why am I being triggered? Right. And curious exactly. Well, no, you could be saying, well, if that person in my office would change, then I wouldn’t be this stressed, but that’s not the place to look. No, it’s not. It’s inner, uh, I had a very interesting conversation with somebody once that they said, well, how come you don’t get upset at so-and-so?

I said, I just don’t think, you know, there’s just not something that really affects me. I said, did they wanna go ahead and be that way? That’s, that’s their prerogative. I choose not to react. Mm-hmm um, it’s just not, it’s just not worth my, my mental capacity and my mental space and my mental wellbeing, as well as my joy and happiness to do that.

Right. So it’s a choice. We all have a choice. What we choose to think about [00:40:00] something. And so when we notice our thoughts, well, why do I wanna spend my time getting upset about that? No, and it takes practice, but it takes practice noticing, and, and recognizing that you can choose something else. But, um, you had, uh, said that you wanted to talk about like suicide prevention and also how leaders are missing an opportunity to engage with their team on mental wellbeing issues.

Yeah. Um, you know, it’s, it’s really interesting that I appreciate you having that segue. That’s really good. We are missing it, um, mental wellbeing and as a, as a way that it is in as a whole within the United States is, is really poor. In my opinion, if you take I’m a stats guy, I, you know, I love statistics, you know, my role with what I end up doing.

I’ve been in quality for a number of years and being an engineer. Uh, you take a look at those types of things. You lean towards numbers. the number of suicides and how that they [00:41:00] are at this moment are higher than they’ve ever been. Um, the anxiety levels, uh, the uncertainty that that’s happening out there.

Um, the lack of EQ within the corporate environment is being reflected within the great resignation. Mm-hmm you see the various dynamics within, um, within the different age categories that are out there, however that they want to couch it, you know, the gen Z gen X, uh, millennials. Well, however you want to go ahead and couch it.

Each one of ’em have the same type of thing they wanna be seen, heard, and valued and supported. We’re just not doing that as routinely as we should. Um, I was in a, um, doing a facilitation on, on a meeting today. And one of the things that the, uh, one of the people that was there, I had mentioned soft skills and she got on herself back.

She goes there’s. She goes, I [00:42:00] hate that word. I was like, well, I don’t know what else to call it. Uh, I think that there are probably more, I should say people centric, uh, skill sets. Mm-hmm that, you know, some people are well suited to it. And the fact of the matter is I’m just not seeing that I’m not seeing it universally or else.

We would have more people going back where they feel supported. They feel open enough. You, you hear about these things called open, open door policy. I’d rather have a manager that’s on the floor. That’s coming in there that knows every single person in the organization knows what’s happening in their lives and takes the time to say, Hey, listen, I hear that something’s going on with you.

What’s happening? Tell me I’ve had some people think that why should that be? Why should that be talked about at work? Doesn’t that take away from like getting the mission done and, and getting work done. No, let me give you a great example. Um, I hate to say this because you know, it’s a baby, you and I both love, uh, but there was an instance of, of the, [00:43:00] um, the Mick pine.

He was addressing some, uh, mass, chief petty officer of the Navy, and he was talking to some, the sailors aboard an aircraft carrier, and I called him out. I said, whoa, you witffed it, you with the ball, you know, here are these people that, you know, they’re talking about their mental health and the fact that there was a lot of retrofits that were going on.

And basically it was almost, you know, the message was suckit up and I’m like, God, that that’s a whiff. And it’s just like when a missed opportunity, but we see that in corporate America as well. Mm-hmm, . We don’t take the time to talk about mental wellbeing. And for those of you that are in manufacturing, like I’ve been for 37 years, it’s actually a part of a number of the international standards that are out there.

It talks about, you know, the workplace environment, which reflects directly back into Mental wellbeing. Yeah. Uh, it’s a part of, you know, of, [00:44:00] uh, a number of different labor laws that are out there. If we don’t take that condition about people where they’re at, it does take away from that. They give you, throw you out some numbers.

Um, so in 20 18, 20 18, uh, the cost

to the American public for suicide was 1.7 billion. Billion billion. If you take a look at, at an average of the way I ended up looking at, at that particular point, it was somewhere in the neighborhood of about 1.2, three, 4 million per every suicide that occurred in the United States time taken away from the business.

Mm-hmm you lose, you lose things. Um, you lose organizational knowledge, you lose, you know, you lose so much what ends up happening. If, if you have somebody that’s in a key role within your organization, that becomes so hampered is a direct result of, you know, of [00:45:00] dealing with the suicide loss that they start, they start having mental issues.

Mm-hmm that was me. Mm-hmm um, I had one of the most, uh, successful departments in the organization. They’ve been told that number of times, and didn’t preclude me from having to go out. What happens if it’s, if it’s your, your chief financial officer, your CEO, what happens if it’s your chief negotiator?

What happens if, if it, whoever that might be, what happens if it’s the people packing your parachute or maintaining your aircraft? It is, it’s a safety issue. Absolutely. Right. It’s a safety issue. I’m distracted. Um, because of, you know, my mental health and I’m here putting this aircraft part in, I mean, it’s a safety issue, but, you know, I just recently, uh, took a position, um, well on a client positive intelligence and I’m, you know, representing them, you know, to the government and helping, um, you know, us [00:46:00] state, federal local government understand what positive intelligence can do, how it can strengthen your mental fitness, how it addresses, um, emotional intelligence as well.

And, um, some people, just, some people get it. And then others are just like, um, , you know, that’s not something that we really need in the workforce, or maybe that’s something that, um, we’ll take it to the employee assistance program or something, but it’s more than that. Yeah. It’s, it’s the openness, you know, it was interesting.

I, I read recently on, uh, on a post in, in LinkedIn, you know, we talk an awful lot about suicide prevention, but something that I never considered post prevention, as I, we mentioned in, you know, in our private conversation and it’s, what do you do afterwards? How do you support your, your team members could be the parachute rigor could be the, could be, your janitor could be, you know, could be a young kid, could be someone that’s [00:47:00] senior, and they’re just barely holding it together.

Sometimes people don’t know what to say. Right. It’s kind like when someone has cancer, whatever, you just don’t know what to say. So you don’t say anything, but that’s not the way to deal with it either. No, it’s it. and that’s where I look at that I can end up coming in and, and sitting alongside them. It’s helping them bring in scenarios.

It’s like going, okay. What would you say for somebody that had lost their mom, you know, for natural causes. I’m so sorry to hear that. How can we support you? What are the things that, you know, how are you doing today? You know, some that, that, that’s, that’s kind of a, you know, you know, what are the things, how can we support you?

What do you need is more important than how are you, how are you? It’s like, I’m fine. Mm-hmm , you know, no, one’s no, one’s fine. Is how can I show up for you today? What is it that you need? Do you need me to sit here for you just to sit alongside you? Is it for something that, uh, that you need somebody just to yell at?

What do you need? How can, [00:48:00] how can I be here for you today in order to help you through where you’re at and what are the things that you need in the future from me? And if it’s just, I need you to stop in periodically and just be normal, or let’s get a cup of coffee. Don’t, don’t preclude them from the normal it’s, that’s what people really need is they need the stuff for normal.

And, but they also don’t want someone to shy away from them if they start, if they start weeping. Right. Uh, you know, guys are specially, uh, bad at that, you know? Uh, it, it’s funny. I’m, I’m, I didn’t used to thinking myself very emotional until after I lost my daughter. Now I’m probably a little bit more inclined for that.

And my girlfriend hates it when I cry. But you know, I’m a softie on certain things. Yeah. It’s not. Yeah, good. Well, I was gonna say too, I was thinking about like, it’s very hard sometimes, uh, [00:49:00] for, it can be challenging for me to ask for help, but I remember when my, uh, former husband passed away and I was the executive of the state and I do not like detail and spreadsheets and, and he had so much paperwork and bills that were, that, you know, had to go through.

And so what I needed was my mom to just come over and be there and help me keep my mind straight as I was going through it just cuz I would just get so distracted and I couldn’t focus. And so somebody there helped me really focus. That’s what I needed. So that might be something too, like they’re having trouble concentrating on tasks, maybe help them out a little bit with the task.

I agree with that. And you know, um, I referenced Brene brown pretty regularly. And one of the things I talk about is marble jar friends. Those are the people that you’re gonna rely on, that you can end up, that they have developed that level of trust. With you and with them that you can tell your whole story.

And those are the people you need to lean on and rely on mm-hmm [00:50:00] outside of that. Uh, not everybody, it needs to hear your entire story. And I didn’t, and I’ll be honest with you. There’s certain people that I, I haven’t told my whole story too. They don’t need to know because they haven’t gotten to that level.

Um, and I’m okay with that. And there’s certain days that, you know, when someone says, well, how can I show for you days? I’m just, you know, today is just not a good day for me and, and be okay with that is you’re not gonna have certain days. You’re not gonna have good days. I still have bad days. I mean, but they become less impactful.

It’s like going, okay, what am I feeling today? Why am I feeling that just like you ended up talking about is getting curious about your feelings and over time, it’s, it’s re refining that joy. Uh, but that’s where. The support system within the organization can be really good. It’s you don’t want to be too.

You don’t wanna be harsh with people, you know, and that’s where the balance comes, um, is having that [00:51:00] ability to sit with somebody within the organization that has the skill sets to be able to sit along with them, say, Hey, listen, you know, it’s not about, we’ve been patient with you. It’s just like, Hey, listen, we see some things that are going on.

Do you need more time off mm-hmm you know, are there things that you need help with in order to start rebuilding yourself? What things do you need? Well, how can we end up helping you get, get to the place where you feel emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually strong. Again? What are the things that they value you?

Exactly. Mm-hmm um, instead of, Hey, you went out, we put you out, you had time to go ahead and get over it. Now, come back and you know, you gotta go ahead and in it, out of the park again, so as we wrap it up, you know, this show is all, is about, you know, how to create a life you love living now, not waiting.

And it sounds like you’ve since, uh, losing your daughter to suicide, you’ve [00:52:00] really worked towards that. And that you do love your life. Now I do love my life. It’s amazing. Um, I’ve gotten to the point now where I, I, I don’t have to worry about, I don’t worry about those dread dreaded dreams of, you know, being on the, on the roof, where she was at and being within inches of grabbing her now, it’s, you know, I’m reliving the things that, the happy moments I, I have that, you know, I restored that joy.

I see her back in, in a happy place. I see her smiling. I see her, you know, her, her smile and her, her crazy jokes and asking me if I’m hungry, telling me that, you know, basically it was her way to go ahead and tell me that she was what’s her name. Beverly Beverly. Yeah. Awesome. And, uh, so I think from those is, is where you restore your own joy and derive your own happiness.

Um, as you start working through those is what becomes more important? Is it important to [00:53:00] be right or do the right thing? It’s, it’s more important to do the right thing and, and be willing be available, uh, and just start seeking out the things that, that drive happiness for you. And it’s different for everybody, but right.

It does take work and it’s just not gonna happen if you just say, well, if it, you know, people, this is one thing I will tell people time does not heal all wounds. Time is just time. The wounds are healed by when you actually invest the time in order to heal yourself. Uh, if you have the combination of a good therapist along with a good coach, in my opinion.

That’s, that’s, that’s the component where you really start coming out the other side. That’s just, that’s my recommendation. Well, congratulations on all the work that you’ve done on yourself, Brad, and, um, you know, I’m gonna put up here, uh, ways that you can connect with Brad. You can connect with him on LinkedIn [00:54:00] and you also have a Facebook group.

I do B G B love suicide prevention support, right? Yep. And I’ll put that in the show notes. I appreciate that. And then, um, people can email you and that’s how they get a copy of your book. Correct. So you’ve, um, right. Here’s the, the name of your book from my heart tears. I am not my mistakes. Yes. And, uh, that just came.

Yes, it did. Came out May 28th of this year. Yeah. Congratulations. Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate that couple other books gonna be coming out. Uh, light bulb moment. It’s coming out in, in Australia from, uh, Kerry Atherton, um, where I ended up talking about, uh, my journey back out from what I learned from that, uh, another book scars to stars.

That’s another one. That’s that’s actually gonna be going out on Amazon where I’m actually a contributing author for that. That’ll be coming out. So a couple of other things that are gonna be coming out, that’s gonna be good. I’ll be doing a live stream, [00:55:00] similar to this for having a monthly guest, uh, be able to go ahead and talk about all things, suicide prevention, post prevention, and, uh, how to, how to work with how to work with others.

And they can find out more about that on your website. They can, that’s gonna be coming out. I’m taking a mild hiatus from, from that. That’s gonna be starting in October. Okay. Starting in October. So mm-hmm and I’ll put all this in the show notes for, uh, people that are listening to this as a, as a podcast.

Thank you, Brad, for sharing your story. Um, thank you. Yeah, that you’re helping so many people by sharing that and by being, I appreciate that. And I agree with what you said when you’re looking for a coach. [00:56:00] Um, find somebody who’s maybe even just a little bit ahead of where you are, you know, somebody who is who’s gone through it and, um, going through it and can help you out understands.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So let me see, I’m going to. we’re gonna wrap it up. So thank you all for watching tonight. I appreciate you. I, I don’t know exactly how many more are left, but I think it’s like nine more left. I’ll have to know that for next time. I’m not going live next week. Next week. I’m as part of creating a life.

I love living. I’m going to visit my daughter in Denver. Again, I just was there in July and now I’m going again. And I don’t know if you’ve been to red rocks, but we’re gonna go see Steve Miller band at red rocks. Awesome. Yeah. And then we’re gonna go to, um, I can’t remember the name of it, but it’s a hot Springs for spa for a couple of days, so, yep.

And if you’re there, go to go to do the Ford up in, up in Morrison. Okay. That’s nice too. Uh, I highly [00:57:00] recommend it. Make sure you get the, the, the bison filet beign it is just absolutely fabulous. Okay. She told me she might move back, uh, to Annapolis in a year or so. So I said, well, you gotta. I’ll have to come out a little bit more and we’ll really, you know, live our lives in Denver while you’re there.

So it’s amazing. I lived in Littleton for about two and a half years. Uh, we got there in 96, so yeah, I was there for, for a little bit. Uh, it was so weird. You walk out in the backyard and you, I was right at the base of the front range. So it was just like this it’s amazing. It is. It is, uh, you know, I don’t know if it’s funny.

My, my girlfriend and I are talking about where we wanna live after I retire. And, uh, she’s a dual citizen. She’s originally from Brazil. Oh, okay. So, you know, uh, she goes, Brad, your Portuguese is gonna have to get a lot better but I said, I’m willing to do that. She, you know, she has a, you know, she owns a, a place down there, so it’s not a problem, [00:58:00] but we’re trying to figure out it’s fun.

Do I wanna live down here? You know, trying to figure out these things, but I still got, you know, I’m never gonna truly retire. It’s going to be, um, looking at. uh, doing coaching, you know, working in business transformation. And I think that that’s, you know, doing a pivot, you know, my plan originally was just doing one on one coaching mm-hmm and, uh, working with people kind of like me mm-hmm um, but you know, I fought Mike pat on for the longest time, because you’re not doing with stuff with business.

That’s where you’ve, you know, your, your life has been there. You’ve run a company, you know, you’ve had all this, you know, success in, in, in helping, you know, cost savings of those type of things. I said, yeah, I actually have a book that that’s unpublished on. Um, that really is dealing from my, when I was supplier cost engineer.

I used to be one of those guys in industrial engineer, and I would take a look at how, how the man machine interface, and I’d take a look at the [00:59:00] overhead costs and all the material and all the other stuff and how they end up coming up with it. And I go, your costing is too much money. We’re getting more money coming out of their.

I had one instance where I identified 350 million in overcharged in a period of performance of 10 years. Oh my gosh. Wow. You’re reminding me of my contracting officer days when we used to look at all those rates in the proposal. for airplanes. Yeah. Yeah. So and negotiate. Yeah, absolutely. And, uh, you know, uh, we ended up getting 50,000,001 time rebate.

Uh, but I’m also persona NA grata at this one particular, uh, company. So, so that’s okay but it is funny and how those things end up end up working.

Yeah. But it was, it’s been interesting. So, you know, if I’m I gonna, am I ever gonna retire? [01:00:00] Ah, probably not. probably my dad was, uh, I think 83. So. my mom was 79 when she finally retired ish mm-hmm although she still does, you know, she’s a public advocate for, for children in my hometown and she’s gonna be 86.

Yeah. That’s the thing. I mean, what’s the people, you know, kind of think about retirement as you know, you’re just sitting in a chair watching TV and that’s not what retirement has to be. Right. No, it’s what you wanna make of it. So yeah. It’s all about creating a life. You love living when you’re retired too, which is what I’ve been working on.

So, and that’s a good thing. How, by the way, I meant to ask you, how are you, how are things with you? I mean, talking about me and I hate doing that. Cause I kept thinking, I wanna go ahead and ask Emily, how she’s, how is she doing? How are you navigating? Cause I, you know, I know that you have been, you know, extremely busy and there were some other things that ended up coming up in your [01:01:00] life.

And I just wanted to ask you, yeah, I’m doing really well. It’s at the point now where. You know, when my, when my, uh, children’s, uh, father passed away, that was a really, um, tough time. And that’s cuz I had shoved feelings down for so long and not dealt with them. So that was three and a half years ago. And, and I’m not saying my kids are over it or anything, but they’re doing well.

They’re, they’re doing well financially and work wise. And so I think everything’s kind of back on track and I feel like lately up until recently when I talked to my son, it would be about like, how’s this going? How’s that going? How’s this going? How’s school going? And now I’m just like, yeah, let’s just, I just wanna do fun things.

I don’t wanna talk about all that serious stuff. I said, how can you meet me? Um, in Tyson’s corner in a few weeks and we’ll go see CIRC du sole with, uh, Marshall, my grandson, and let me go visit Anna. And you know, so I’m just, um, trying to be more like being more like that and just enjoying the moment and creating fun memories with them because.[01:02:00] 

I just think about like what I wanna be thinking about and remembering when it’s my time to go. Like I saw Bruce go and I don’t wanna die with regrets. I wanna enjoy every minute today, I went to pottery class with my mom last, this past weekend. I went camping with my dog for two nights and that was too short.

So next time I’m going for four nights. so I’m, I’m loving my life. Um, I’m doing some quote unquote work, but coaching’s not work to me. So, yeah. Yeah. And my only thing that I expressing, so I appreciate that. The only thing that I have that is, I guess, is the regret I just, for me is just how I used to be and because of the divorce and what it, the, the circumstances with it, uh, I’m estranged from my daughters.

Mm-hmm and, and that’s tough. And I have a grandson so that I haven’t seen since last August, but there’s still time and you never know, right? Like, no, I don’t know, but I, you know, it’s funny, like, you know, I haven’t seen my youngest daughter since December 24th, [01:03:00] 2019. Mm. And I started looking at, you know, uh, doing a lot of reading on estrangement, those type of things.

And they say for, uh, mothers and that are estranged from their children, children. It’s usually about a three to five year estrangement for fathers. It’s much longer, seven to nine. Aw. So, you know, I just had to make some decisions and, you know, as far as for how I was gonna interact with them and I, you know, my decision that I ended up doing this year was I had been, you know, being a good dad and sending gifts and those types of things.

But I finally came to the, to the realization that, to me, it felt like begging mm-hmm and, you know, and I just said, well, I’m not gonna do that. You know, I’m gonna continue to send gifts for gifts and, you know, for my grandson, because you know, he’s deserved of that. But as far as for my kids, you know, I’m just gonna go ahead and live my best life.

Um, you know, my, my girlfriend, you know, she had lost her [01:04:00] husband and her son in Brazil due to violence. And, uh, you know, uh, so I just believe that there is for, for me, you know, people talking about their high power, me for it was God and I had actually had, was looking at, uh, moving out of, out of the us completely and leaving, uh, before, you know, before meeting my, you know, going back and re reconnecting with my girlfriend.

Mm-hmm I was looking at moving to Ireland mm-hmm and, you know, I had quite a bit of funds set

and I went and talked to my boss and I said, well, you know, Hey, I, you know, I’ve been doing really well. And he goes, yeah, you have. And I said, I’ve been working remote and a no, no, just Nope. I said it would be there be an opportunity that would be a benefit both to the company. And to me, if I was to move permanently and he goes, Where are you thinking about?

I said, Ireland and he goes, well, actually is, is Brad. That actually has a lot of potential because you know, uh, our main [01:05:00] organization is in Germany and our original organization is in, is in bath England. So there was some things that would’ve been good on, on a number of different levels is says, I’m not saying yes, he says, but keep on looking.

So I started thinking about that and I said, okay, there’s got, there’s gotta be two things that are not gonna come into play one money. Can’t be an issue two. Uh, you can’t put anybody in my, in the only reason that I would stay is if I had a relationship that would be, I gave certain conditions I had to be, you know, had all these things that were associated.

I said never gonna happen. well, well, because of the startup cost for the company and because of the, you know, I had supported a few people, they were down and I, and I was paying things forward for a few people and also with coaching and all the other stuff that I was paying. Um, yeah, the funds went weigh out so, um, and then, you know, reconnected Maria, not really.

I was like, well, we’ll just have friendship and everything, [01:06:00] but no, it just, it just, just been fabulous. That’s perfect. So like a sense to happen when you’re not looking right. And so that’s awesome. It all worked out. It did. Right. So there’s reasons that, and I’m not saying that I won’t have regrets. I have regrets too, over some ways that I’ve lived my life and some decisions I’ve made, but you know, I’m not gonna.

I, I have self-compassion too compassion for myself. None of us are perfect. Right. Yeah. And, um, I wouldn’t say that I’m estranged for my sister, but she doesn’t talk to me. And, um, I’ve sent her a video and I’ve, you know, I feel like I’ve written her a letter. I mean, I know that she’s not on here to tell her side of the story, but you know, I’m not gonna beg either and I don’t know what, what else to do.

Um, so, uh, there’s two things you can do. One love her yep. At a distance and two pray for her. And one that’s one thing I pray for my [01:07:00] girls is I pray for them to that that God was soften their heart. Not because of me, but to heal. Yeah. Yeah. That’s all I pray for. It’s really just, it’s very simple. Um, and uh, I just like, you’re living your best life.

And that’s what you that’s, that’s what you make that choice every single day. Right. And I feel good that I’ve tried and that I am sending her positive energy praying for her. I have love in my heart for her. I have compassion for her and there’s, you know, one day it could all work out. So, yeah, absolutely.

Well, thank you so much for being my guest tonight. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. And you know, you can reach out any time. I’m gonna shoot you. My, uh, my, uh, my cell phone number too. Okay. You can reach me at any time. Thanks, Brad. I really enjoyed you being on the show tonight and thank you. You for everybody who, who watched?

I know we said goodbye, but we kept talking and it was fun. it was, it was. I appreciate it. [01:08:00] Thank you so much. All right. Have a wonderful rest of your evening. All right. You too.

Onward live is sponsored by Emily Harman, coaching and consulting. Visit my website, Emily harman.com to learn more about me and my coaching programs. I’d love to help you create a life you love living. Remember every adversity is our own personal university. Sometimes the lessons are difficult and we must learn from our experiences.

Vulnerability is your superpower. You are lovable and worthy, and we discuss these topics and more because professional is personal. Thank you for joining us and engaging with me and my guest.