The 3G Cycle of Life: The Secret to Achieving Joy, Meaning, and Wellbeing

[00:00:00] Changes or shift in the wind, the body dormant underground. Welcome to Onward Live, a live stream focused on encouraging you to create a life you love living. Now, let’s go beyond success to significance. Being clear on our why is crucial. It requires doing the inner work, finding ourselves, getting to know ourselves, embracing our inner child, shedding social conditioning, and letting go of perfect.

We know obstacles make us [00:01:00] stronger. We can dream big and take action. Believe you can, and you’re halfway there. I invite you to tune in every week and engage with me and my inspiring guests. Invite your friends. Let’s make time for what matters most in our lives. Let’s move on together.

Hi everybody. Uh, my name is Emily Harmon. I’m the host of Onward Live and welcome to this live show. eventually in about two to three weeks, this will also be turned into a regular podcast. So if you miss the live or, uh, you can also catch the podcast. And on my website, there’ll be a transcript of the podcast episode as well.

So I’m excited to be here. I always like watching that, uh, video at the beginning cuz it kind of talks about some of the things I’ve been through and I think it’s kind of a cycle. We’re gonna talk about a cycle with, uh, my guest tonight. It’s like a cycle, you [00:02:00] know, Even though I know a lot of those things, it requires doing the inner work and, and all those things.

Um, sometimes I feel like I’m back at the beginning and starting over with that, uh, in my life. So maybe you feel that way too. So my guest today is Dr. Miriam Zylberglait and I’m so excited to bring her on. And let’s, let’s see, let’s bring you on. Miriam. Um, she goes by Dr. Z. And there she is, Dr. Z. Welcome,

Hi, Emily. Thank you for having me. Yeah, I’m excited that you’re here. We’re gonna talk about the 3G cycle of life, um, the secret to achieving joy, meaning, and wellbeing. And, you know, you’re originally from Peru and you went to medical school there and practiced medicine for almost 10 years, but then you came to the US and you left your parents and your friends and everything, and your job as an academic physician to [00:03:00] follow the love of your life,

And then you kind of had to start over, like learning a new language and you had to go to school again. Prove yourself all Hoover again. Why is that? Well, I, I guess that that’s a wonderful opportunity that life can, you know, give us, is that to reinvent ourself again and again. Yeah, but I, I just don’t Why did you have to go to school all over again?

That’s so frustrat. Oh, why? Well, you can decide to make it frustrated or you can decide to make it like a fun experience, Right. In the US my, my, uh, title as physician didn’t count. I was not valid, Right.  Um, so I had to prove that I was able to practice here, and that means a lot of years of taking tests and then going back to really, um, doing your specialty or a specialty, which I did.

Uh, the experience was truly interesting. The first two years [00:04:00] was they, they worked automatic because going back to read biochemistry and biology, especially when a lot of those things didn’t, When I went to medical school, I mean, I saw the first MRI when I was already a physician. So, um, a lot of medications and a lot of, um, uh, DNA stuff.

They, they didn’t exist. I, I didn’t study them. Yeah. So in some was interesting to relearn Right. And get updated. Uh, so that was a traumatic part. But going back to. You know, to the hospital. It was amazing. And you did that while you were pregnant too, right? I was pregnant. I was very pregnant Twice.

Um, and I was pregnant twice. Um, and a lot of people will think that that was something negative for me, was amazing. I was never alone. I was [00:05:00] always, uh, with a reminder that you know about what is important in life. Uh, and the kicking and moving what, you know, a fun company even at 3:00 AM sometimes.

But, uh, yeah, i’s I look at you, you decide if you want to make it difficult, you will make it difficult. If you want to make it a fun experience, uh, and an opportunity, you will do so. So we get to decide, right? That’s something that we forget sometimes. Yes. And I believe that that’s a big problem that we as society, we, we need to address because we have been, uh, convinced, and I have no idea by who actually that we don’t have control.

And, uh, to the point.  We believe that we are almost victims of the things that are happening to us because, you know, someone with bad intention is trying to torture in us doing life. And the truth is that, [00:06:00] probably that’s not the case. Right? In reality that’s not the case. And we have control, maybe the options that we may have in front of us.

They may not be as perfect or as pretty or as nice as we want. But we have always options. And some of them will be better than the option that we are living right now, that they maybe a miserable one. So right. Well, and the first step is that awareness to recognize, Wait, life isn’t happening to me.

It’s happening with me. I’m creating my life, right? And I can create something different if I want to. I’m not a victim. And, uh, yeah. And so this show is all about create a life you love living. And do it now. Don’t wait for external circumstances to change when you retire, or switch a job or get a new partner.

Or find a partner. Have a baby. Love your life. [00:07:00] Now! We procrastinate being happy, right? We, we have always a conditional if this happens, when this happens. And it’s very easy to get there, right? Uh, and to feel like nothing is enough. It happens to me too, and I don’t want to create this false idea that I am I’m living the perfect life and I am very happy all the time.

No, I have also, like everyone else miserable days sometimes where I question myself and, and everything that happens to me. And that I get to that point of, Oh my goodness, I am a victim. And it’ll happen and that’s okay. But, but the question is not if you feel like that is, what do you do after that moment?

Right? You get in that position where you’re victim and everything if misterble, but you need to jump out of that hole and, and recover [00:08:00] control. Um, I feel like it’s when, like when you are driving a car, right? And maybe you go and you bump against something and you lose control of the, of the car, but you need to get again, back the control because if not, you have a bigger accident.

Right, Right, right. So we need to recover that. So what is this 3G cycle of life philosophy? So I, I have been trying to explain, uh, to others and to myself why I keep going. And many times, uh, in front of colleagues or even my residents or medical still dance, they have been surprised that I am so supposedly resilient, right?

Which I have my doubts about how resilient I am, but, but the truth is that yes, I bounce back relatively easy. Uh, and, and trying to understand how is that I do that. I, I [00:09:00] came to this idea that probably I am seeing life a little different that others, and I tried not to see life in a linear way where, uh, I don’t have.

any opportunity to go back on six things is if, if you’re going in a linear way, is like there’s not return, right? Mm-hmm. . So I don’t know that I see life more like in a cycle way. And, and if I go back to science, everything that happens or minority of things that happen in nature and science in general and in our bodies is fact.

Right? Right. And our, or, um, uh, the way that we reproduce our, you know, our nervous system functions like that even for, for sleep time and, and awake time and, and the weather and cetera. So it’s okay. Maybe I am working in this city mode, uh, that allows me to go back and go back without [00:10:00] feeling that I collapse it and that I don’t have another option.

Oh, I love that, that outlook. And we just had a full moon, right? The moon cycles. Yeah. Most right. Our periods and so many other things. You have to, to create energy in our body. If we go to the cell, our aspect of our values, we cut this, the craft cycle, right? As the way that we create energy to ourselves.

So why we will not be in some way, part of a cycle, uh, and thinking about cycles. I compare them with video games to make it even more simple. When you, I don’t play video games. I am very bad on that, but my kids do and they are very good. But when you go into any of these video games, right, when you see that they have levels, , what I will call cycles in my case.

And it’s not that you fail in a level and at the end of the game and you are out, right? I [00:11:00] have the chance to go back, right? Right. Many times. And when you close that cycle, that level, then you go to the next one that is a little more complex, have more trees, we’ll take more effort. But everything that you learn in cycle one will be helpful for cycle two and then for cycle three.

So what is in my mind? Something like that. So at that point I was like, Okay, so what are the components of my cycle? And again, thinking that every cycle has a specific component, I try to create the component of my personal cycle. And I know that for me, the way to start anything is with a goal. And that’s the first gig.

I, I, I need to have clear what do I want? Right? And sometimes it’s not so clear, but it’s the idea, the right, the emotion that this is what I want to achieve and this is really move, [00:12:00] move to my cycle with great and emotions. And so that’s my second one. Great. Right. I need that to keep going. We all need that to keep going.

In general, it’s kind of my fuel, uh, my energy by telling for myself, if you want to call it like that. And then I ask myself, Okay, what happened when I don’t achieve my goal? Because closing the cycle, I, I should be going back to a, I achieve my goal. Uh, but the truth is that that doesn’t happen all the time.

Right, right. So I thought, what happens at the end of my cycles? What it constant and the concept that I found is that I always grow, I always learn something, I develop a new skill. I, I am different. So it’s goal, grit, grow. Yeah. I love that. Thank you. . Yeah. And so you decided to write a book about it? I [00:13:00] decided to write a book about that.

How do you have time? You’ve got like, how old are your kids? Uh, six and eight. Okay. Six and eight. And then you’re a doctor. What, what kind of, um, work do you do as a doctor? So I have pre specialties, so obesity, CT medicine, uh, internal medicine, geriatrics. Okay. So you’re practicing physician, doctor, and then you’ve got little kids and a husband and your own life, and you’re like, Oh, I think I’ll just write a book.

Uh, yes and no. Okay. So I have to compromise in my life and something when, when you move, I think it’s the, uh, microphone’s making a sound. I don’t know if you can hear it. You want me? No, that’s okay. All right, . That’s okay. So, um, yes, I believe that in life sometimes you have to compromise, uh, not sometimes, probably many times.

Mm-hmm. , and that’s what I had to do. I was going through a very difficult time during covid, not necessarily because of Covid, [00:14:00] but really because the environment where I was working was not necessarily, um, very positive, at least for, for me and for my development, um, and my wellbeing. So I had to take, uh, decisions at some point.

My decision was to compromise my fancy titles and, you know, and my nice office and my salary and stuff like that. Uh, but go for what, uh, was along with my values, that was to take care of my family and to be with my kids. Um, for that I needed to, to feel happy and healthy. And that was not necessarily happening.

Uh, I’m not sure if I was fully burned out, but if not, I was a clearing with the concept. Um, and I was not able to change the environment. I learned that sadly, after two years of trying, [00:15:00] and sometimes you have to, I will not call it quit, but you need to change, uh, directions. So I changed directions and I change jobs, a more flexible, uh, opportunity.

And I don’t know, maybe someone was happy with me. I don’t know, if you want to believe in miracles, heaven, god, angels, whatever. But the opportunity of the book are, came in front of me the week that I quit, uh, that job. Wow, that’s amazing. So I mean, that’s, that’s kind of challenging for, you know, high.

Anyone who’s high achieving, you know, I would say woman, but not just woman, but to, to, to leave even though you know that it’s in your best interest health wise and whatever. It’s like giving up the –  it’s the ego. Like what did your ego say? Oh, my ego was on [00:16:00] pain, my ego was suffering. This took me too long.

Uh, But I didn’t have, So it’s very interesting. What you’re saying is so true is I didn’t have at the beginning the skills to understand first of all that I was being hurt and that I was, uh, being, um, a victim of myself, right? Of my wrong decisions. I decided to be an advocate, uh, an altruistic advocate, right?

And what I ended being was a very unhealthy advocate that was compromising her own wellbeing and the wellbeing of her family. Uh, especially that wellbeing of my kids. Um, you know, trying to, to, to change something that I was not able to sadly. And, and we need to recognize that [00:17:00] not being able to do.

Something, especially when is really beyond your abilities or, or right. Uh, the system, right? When it, something so big as the system, uh, you are not failing, uh, it’s not your fault. Uh, very difficult to understand that this is still like, you know, I have my doubts and what did I miss, what I did not do correctly?

But it gets to a point that you need to accept that, um, you are not super girl or super boy or you know, and, uh, you are not either the present or God, and there are things that are out of your control, you like it or not. And, uh, takes a lot of, you know, time and effort and, and self awareness. And the truth is that’s very painful because, uh, Hyper Achievers.

Um, our ego, we can admit it or not, right.  [00:18:00] But we have a big ego and we work so hard for the things. You worked so hard. You went to medical school, Peru, then you came back to the U.S. You had to go to medical school again. You worked so hard for that. And so to give it up. But I really like what you said.

You said that you didn’t have that awareness at first to really understand this situation. I think you could start to say, this job is driving me crazy. This is this, this, this. But what you started to do is even though that may have been true, you started to turn and look at yourself like, Alright, I’m not a victim.

I can do something about this. And you tried to change your exterior environment, but what, what ended up creating more joy for you and creating more opportunity for you was to change your internal environment. To change the way you were showing up. To change the way you were being [00:19:00] And that required – that was a decision to leave that position and to deal with your ego

That’s amazing. That’s awesome. And then it led to more opportunities where you’ve got this book and probably, your personal life is going better and you’re a better mom to your kids and all of that. Yes. And I am still, and I’m still learning, and I’m still growing and, and I don’t want to make people believe that I’m already healed or that, you know, it’s not so fast. It’s the journey. I dunno if we ever get there, wherever there is. I, I don’t think, I mean, I don’t know if we can get there, but, uh, even going out of the dark side, uh, takes time. Uh, yeah. And I feel like one of the, I will say that a couple of the best things that I learned during this initial part of [00:20:00] my new journey, my new cycle,  has been to ask for help.

Um, Again, something that, especially higher achievers and, and type of personalities and physicians, right? We don’t do, uh, because again, we are superheroes. We right are better afraid. We don’t, you know, we don’t make mistakes. We know everything. So suddenly I have to recognize, uh, that I was not okay, that I didn’t have all the answers and that I needed help.

So going, uh, to that was again, me against my own ego and, uh, was probably one of the best things that I did. Uh, and I found, uh, something amazing and is that when you ask for help, there is a lot of amazing people waiting there so they can help you, [00:21:00] uh, and. A big part of how we met, right? Yeah. You see and may see an opportunity to meet people, create new relationships, be helpful for others, and, and receive the help from others.

And, and that feeling of, of, you know, be belonging. Not, not, not just feeding, right? Like, Oh, you need to fit this. Suddenly you can find people that is like you, feels like you, and you don’t need to create a fake, uh, image of who you are because this individuals like you or appreciate you the way you are.

Uh, and the second thing that I learned, uh, and I believe that I’m getting better on this, and for sure, I, I didn’t have that ability, I didn’t know even that that existed before is, uh, self-compassion. And, um, that’s another one that is takes effort. But I’m glad that right now I can be a little. [00:22:00] I was so bossy with myself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I get it. I mean, um, so I love everything that you just said. When I first started this podcast, it was all about facing adversity and moving forward. And, um, I ended up writing a chap, a couple of chapters for a book. It was on government contracting. It’s like, well, what did my podcast have to do with government contracting?

Uh, but I used to have, uh, you know, had a career in government contracting and I wrote that, you know, government cha contracting can be challenging. It’s like adversity, you know, it’s not easy. And I said, the three big things that a lot of my guests talk about and facing adversity and moving forward is asking for help.

And you need to do that in government contracting cuz there’s no way you can know everything. Ask for help. Um, and, uh, I, I just had it on the tip of my tongue, the other one, but one of ’em was, um, oh, know where you’re going. And know where you are and where you’re going, which is your goal thing, right?

[00:23:00] Like, have that goal, know where you’re going, ask for help and be persistent, which is your grit, you know, And then you grow from that. So I love all of that. And um, and, and then the other thing that I would say is, yeah, I have not always had self-compassion. In fact, I’ve, I’ve, um, I’m in this, you know, I coach in positive intelligence and I’m in this, uh, group where we’re for six months working on a quest that we pick.

And, um, and we are looking at not only achieving something in the area of doing something, but also who are we being while we’re doing it? Well, how are you gonna have to change your way of being in order to, you know, go on this quest? And, um, and mine has to do with like mental and physical health and. , I have to be, I, I want to be somebody who’s more compassionate to my, with myself and not let my hyper achiever saboteur [00:24:00] drive me in this, towards this goal.

Because one of the reasons I have to work on my health is cuz I’ve had some injuries. And one of my injuries came in 2014 when I was doing a 75 mile bike ride. And because my ego wouldn’t let me quit, um, I partially tore both of my Achilles cuz I was in pain, but I didn’t, couldn’t quit the race, right?

No self-compassion for myself, right? No compassion for my myself. So, as I go on this quest, part of my journey is to, like, if my, if I said I was gonna do this many steps, you know, or a day or do this exercise and I’m not feeling it, cuz my shin’s hurt, I’m allowed to not do it. and that, that’s hard for me.

Yes. But that’s, you know, what is interesting is that many of us, we are so good, uh, prescribing others, right.[00:25:00] 

And then we are in front of the mirror and we are so mean with ourselves. Uh, and I have no idea how do we, became our worst enemies. We should be our best friends. Yeah. And I have no clue how I became my worst enemy. And I will actually, uh, talking with someone. I would like to introduce you with her.

She’s beautiful, A beautiful lady, very smart lady. She works, uh, around the topic of bullying and, um, she was, Explaining to me that this, there is this external bullying, right? The one that we all talk about. Uh, but there is this internal bullying, , the way that we, we are bullying ourself, right? That is probably kind of the equivalent of the salers, right?

Yes. Uh, and, and we are very, uh, capable to bully [00:26:00] ourselves, right? , you wanna know how you bully yourself? Go take this saboteur assessment. Uh, I’ll put it a link in the show notes too. But, um, at Positive Intelligence that shows you exactly how you bully yourself. And we all have a judge, and we know, you know, that we judge other people and judge circumstances, situations, but when you go through this program, you, you expose the lies of the judge even more.

You know, And how, how you criticize yourself in, a lot of times you’re not, we’re not even aware of how often we’re doing this. I mean, we have what, 60 to 70,000 thoughts a day. So some of them are just like habits and we’re just not even aware and we just believe them and we just go on and like one of my other guests said, You know, these thoughts come in our mind and we rubber stamp them and just believe them.

We don’t have to believe every thought that comes through our mind. So you interviewed people for your book, um, and I’m putting your book up here, The 3G Cycle of Life. You interviewed some people and I was looking at your website and I saw somebody that [00:27:00] was like Pam Reyes. Okay. Well I just interviewed her a few weeks ago.

I know, sorry. Yeah. And you, She’s one of my accountability partners. And you interviewed her. Um, tell us a little bit about like how your book is set up and who you interviewed and um, and stuff like. So I was very lucky to interview more than 30 different experts in different areas. I believe I have four continents involved.

Wow. And, uh, from, uh, Buddhist, Nan to Wall Street to athletes and, and I have company right now out of the baby puppy. I’m so sorry. I have a, a boy here. May I love you. Let me see him. Let me see. You wanna say hello? No, no. You are the shy one. I have the shy one today here. He’s six. He’s six. My grandson is six.

Oh, he’s so cute. I’ll go with you puppy. And, uh, what I [00:28:00] did is I collect these different stories from them and what. Well, they were very different and their expertise were very different, not only because of their careers, but also because of the, the, the things that they learn in life. What was very interesting is that all of them, that they have something in common is that they confront adversity and they were able to, you know, go beyond and not only bounce back, which is this, this term, but they have a problem with resilience, right?

That has been, uh, kind of like resilience is the best. Resilience is the best. I’m not sure if resilience is the best or resilience is almost equivalent of surviving. Uh, you know, and then positive psychology bring. Concept, relatively new concept that is really grow post traumatic growth. And uh, when you think about resilience, I will use Covid [00:29:00] as an example.

When you think about resilience is that you were here whereas like a shift, you were here before Covid, right? You went through very, a very long uh, collection of trauma, right? . Yeah. You went down and then two years later, right, you are able to go back and you are now again where you were two years before.

So that means that these two years of, you know, everything that happened during Covid to you are the rest of the world means zero. You didn’t learn anything. You’re exactly the same than two years before. And that’s what I don’t like about Cause you are just bouncing back. That’s a really good point, right?

Uh, which again, is, is good enough for you to keep going and to survive and, and, and, you know, to function. Is that [00:30:00] enough to justify all this offering that you went through? I’m not sure. I, I, I would like to get more than that. So that’s when the post traumatic growth concept, uh, from positive psychology brings this new vision, right?

That is you not only bounce back, but now you are able to get better. You are now able to show new abilities, newer skills, um, you are a better version of yourself if you want to call it like that. But what is magical about the concept of posttraumatic grow? And it’s the part that I, I love the most is that, Actually majority of those that get to the point of grow, they will become mentors for others.

Or they will become, you know, uh, guy kind of, uh, role models, right? People will like to follow and, and they [00:31:00] will return to the community, you know, and, and, and they will help others, which I believe is magnificent, right? You actually, you went to Covid for two years now. You are not a victim. You are not just surviving.

You are not the same, but you are much better. Better. And you are Yes. And you are doing things for others and you are helping others. How cool is that? And I believe that’s what we need to actually dream with, right? Yeah. To be better than before. Yeah. And the knocking is my kid again, is, is your son building something or destroying something?

I, I have no idea. I will find out. Okay. So, um, So like, tell us a little bit about some of the stories, you know, or like some highlights from your book. I mean, I still want people to get it, and I wanna put up here your website, which is, it’ll be in the show [00:32:00] notes too for those listening, um, the 3G cycle.live.

But, um, you know, why should people read it? Um, I believe that people, well, I will not first anyone to read it, but I re this to, to recommend, to, to read this book because what they will find is, Real life, real stories, Uh, a lot of vulnerability, transparency. I’m not trying to sell, uh, Coca-Cola saying that is the best remedy for whatever like it was before.

Right? That was how Coca-Cola was created. Yeah. Um, um, this is not a remedy. There is nothing magical there. Uh, there are just examples of real. People with real life without any superpower that were able to actually go through life, right? And, and grow and develop new skills. And [00:33:00] now they are helping others and, and that they had good times from bad time during the process because, uh, growing is, doesn’t come without pain.

And, and growing is not linearal. Growing is like ups and dos of those till you get up, right? Mm-hmm. again, so I don’t want to sell this as a magical tool. It is not magical, but will give you. Uh, tools and references, many of them based, you know, on science that will explain why this works and how you can use it.

So you will have the emotional aspect, the, the story, right. The gossip and, and, and, um, but you will have a little of science there so you can believe and you can kind of challenge the information. And I believe that this mix will be interesting, especially for, for those that are like, are really a new book that will tell me how to be happy.

uh, yes. It’ll be a [00:34:00] kind of different book that will tell you how to do it. Mm-hmm. , uh, and some of the stories I believe that are, are, are beautiful, uh, in many levels. I have one of them that for me was the reason why this project became something more than just a book and. and, uh, why I, I decided to start, um, using the, the revenue of the book to, to help organizations, mental health organizations.

And actually my inspiration was, um, the story of Leslie. Uh, she lost her son by suicide when he was in kids twenties, A healthy kid without any background in mental health or any evident red flag. And, um, she decided after this painful situation not to collapse. And instead of us, that to create an organization to support, uh, young [00:35:00] people around the country.

So, so we can prevent suicide. And I believe that, um, for anyone that is a mother or a father or for anyone, uh, Uh, this story probably is one of the most painful ones. Yeah. And is showing really what post traumatic growth is about. Um, and like that I have people that survived cancer and people that decided to change careers and people in medicine.

And um, you know, we have, uh, lawyers that decided to leave their jobs to be better parents. And I feel like one of the highlights of the book, which is kind of at the end and the conclusion is that we can do better and we can do better, not only as individuals but as as a community. And I tell the story of Corey Face, [00:36:00] um, who is a lawyer that was involved with the healthcare system for more than 20 years, and that during Covid loss her of.

Sister-in-law by suicide, a physician, the director of, uh, an emergency room, um, in New York. And he decided again, uh, with his family to push forward after this event. And he created the first law in the US that advocates for wellbeing for healthcare workers that was actually approved by the house and then the Senate and et cetera.

Wow. And, uh, was signed by President Biden then just a few months ago. So this is an historical moment, and even this has been focused it low, it’s focused right now in healthcare workers. I feel like this is just, um, an opportunity for all of us [00:37:00] in different careers to understand that there is hope. That we can make changes and that we are certain we help workers, but this should apply to all of us.

Uh, wellbeing is a right and you know, uh, as much as its education and is help. Yeah. That, that’s a big thing that’s come outta Covid. You see, like at, at Starbucks, uh, you know, barista’s forming, um, unions and that, that was kind of happening at Amazon too. You know, people are, you know, and voting with their feet when, with what jobs they want to take and stuff.

And so people are, you know, wanting to be treated better at work for sure. And mental health and, and welfare and, you know, our, we are a whole person. We’re not just a worker, we’re a whole person. Right? Yes. But we need to advocate for ourself. Yes. And I have this, uh, amazing interview actually with, uh, [00:38:00] someone that I, I really admire.

She’s a journalist, very, very recognized journalist, uh, Jennifer Mos. And she wrote actually a book about burnout. Uh, and she did it more on the side of, you know, the system. And I spoke also with another amazing journalist too. Beautiful ladies, both of them. Um, she’s an Israeli, uh, journalist and she wrote another book about also in the, you know, in touching the system.

Mm-hmm. . And I ask them is, do you think I am crazy because I am trying to talk about hope or meditation and, you know, stress and stuff like that. And, and I am trying to ignore a little, the system at this point. And they told me, no, uh, you are not great yet. We need to fix the system. But the. See, the system will take so long to be fixed right now.

So we need to look at ourselves. Yeah. Take [00:39:00] and, and have our, you know, bring our power back. Right? We’re not, we don’t have to be victims of the system

and, uh, yes, we need to be accountable for our own wellbeing, really. Yeah. Uh, that’s, that’s reality. We cannot wait for others to decide what will happen with our hell, with our wellbeing, with our families. Uh, we have a responsibility. Um, and, and when I talk about individuals, right, I, I talk. You taking care of yourself, but you taking care of your family and then you taking care of those that work with you and you don’t need to be, um, to have a leadership position, a family leadership position to be a leader.

Right, Right. You can be an amazing leader. Even being the one with the less salary and the less location. That’s right. You can take care of your [00:40:00] team. Right. And advocate for them and give them the tools so they can advocate for themselves. We need to recover, control or, you know, power on our lives. Yeah, for sure.

Hi Garen, welcome. Um, so yeah, for sure. And you talk about, so how does this 3G cycle of life, uh, goal, grit and grow, how does that help somebody achieve, you know, joy, meaning, and wellbeing? So I believe that, uh, the way that I’m, I’m using these, these, these three components, uh, brings again a little of science behind, right?

And okay. And when we talk about, for example, goals, the idea is, How do we set goals, right? Because you could not start with a crazy dream. I will go to, I don’t know, , I’ll go to Mars or write a Mars or whatever. Great. I’m glad that you have that dream case. Are [00:41:00] we able to? So I don’t believe that it’s very important for us to identify and to learn how to set goals that are aligned with our values, aligned with our reality, right?

Uh, that are able to really be accomplished and to analyze if we have the tools for it and if we have the motivation for it. So what I try to provide. Through the stories. And there are many stories, uh, about how people were like trying to follow their dreams or their goals and what happened in between.

Right. How they fail, or, or, or why they didn’t. So I provide with some tools, very practical tools so people can start learning, Okay, I need these components to be able to decide if this goal should be a goal or not. Right? Right. And, and now that, yeah, it can be a goal. So how do I set it clearly and correctly so I can really [00:42:00] fulfill it?

And, and what happened next? And is this the goal that will be for the rest of my life? May I change goals? May I close the cycle? So I believe that this, these stories mixed with tools will help people to understand the first step of, Okay, this is my goal. And then part of the, the goal component, discuss three or four areas that for me are very important, that are the most common goals, Right?

That we have a priority will agree that we want to be successful, we want to be happy and right. And I hope everybody else agree that we want to have wellbeing , right? Or Well, I hope, um, and, and I explore what is wellness, What is happiness? What is success? If, you know, how do you find them and how do you define it for yourself?

And is it, you know, And that takes doing some deep introspection to make sure [00:43:00] that you know it’s what you really want, not what others want or what you feel like you should want. Uh, you know, society says you should . Yes. And, and then we have, uh, the part of grid that is really explore, right? How we move through the cycle of the energy and the things that make happen to stop us or not, right?

Thinking about energy, uh, and, and, and, and cycles in general, we will find catalysts, right? That could accelerate the process. Um, I use for example, oh, if you have money, if you have a, you know, a big network, uh, if you don’t have an accent, for example, if you are a guy in, in many places, right? Yeah, probably life will be a little easier than if you are.

An immigrant or you have a disability or you come from a poor family, or you develop mental health disease, or you are victim of abuse [00:44:00] or, or, or discrimination, or you have fear. Right? Right. So these are components of life. We cannot remove them. They, they are part of our reality. How do we use this catalyst positive and supposedly negative.

Right? I, I don’t want to call them negative. They, they are catalysts at the end. Right? Right. Um, how do we use them in our favor and how we remove our, um, idea of we are victims of this catalyst instead is saying, Hey, this is a, an opportunity for me to learn something to, to grow again. So how does somebody change their, their mind about that?

Like, let, let’s say, you know, your whole life you’ve been like, I’m a victim because, you know, I, I don’t know. I’m a doctor and I, but I came from Peru. You know, I’m a, I’m an immigrant, so I’m a victim. I mean, you know, how do you change that, your attitude about that and switch it to, Oh, where’s the gift or the opportunity in this, Um, how am I not a [00:45:00] victim?

Uh, so I, I feel like we need to start with self-awareness. Mm-hmm. . Um, and that’s part of, for me, uh, this is one of the components of emotional intelligence that I believe is the most important one you can have the other ones if you don’t start with self-awareness, so, Right. Um, if you are self-aware and you are able to identify your areas, um, of difficulty, right, Your challenging areas or, or those that you feel that are delaying your, your progress, uh, you will be able also to identify the ones that make it stronger.

That’s true. And, uh, yeah, I will never be able to erase my accent. Right. Uh, that’s part of me. Uh, but I speak two languages. Yeah. I don’t, many do. Right. So That’s right. It’s a question of perspective is yes, I could be, I could feel [00:46:00] miserable and, and, and decide not to, to go and talk in front of people and how many times I thought about that at the beginning, how I will be a faculty, how I will even a doctor in this country, something that simple as going to.

you know, uh, you mentioned a Starbucks and as for a coffee, when I was just learning, English was like traumatic for me. And probably I just realized, uh, you know what? I speak to languages even I don’t do it perfectly. Uh, people can understand. I am sure I would make a lot of mistakes. I am doing it right now.

I already catch some of them in respective, I noticed myself, but I d know what I’m saying? And you underst and you’re gonna go out and speak, um, because of your book too. Your book’s coming out in January, but you’re gonna be going out on, you know, on the speaker circuit a little bit, right? You’ve already been asked to speak to some different organizations and you could [00:47:00] easily say, Well, I can’t do that cuz, you know, let that accent hold you back, but you’re.

Yeah, because right now I believe that, uh, maybe the wrinkles and the white hair, uh, , you understand, right? Uh, that you cannot stop yourself from doing things that you want and that make you happier, right? Yeah. But at the end, you cannot become, again, your your worst enemy. Uh, if, if you are inviting me, right, knowing that I have an accent, why I will stop me.

If you are being kind with me, why I will be being with myself, right? And, and I believe that the same as the, and, and with many other things there, there. Catalyst is that we can really right, uh, just change our mindset and, and, and control them. There are many that are not so easy to get control. Right. And if you talk [00:48:00] about someone that develop a terminal disease, right, or, or that, uh, is really victim because, uh, victim success, right?

The fact that I, I I remove, uh, the idea of being a victim of, oh, you’re a victim of the weather or the action, but there are victims that they are, uh, individuals that really are being traumatized and affected, uh, you know, by spouses or, or, or, you know, many other reasons. Um, but that’s another type of big thing, right?

And even those, and not all always, but even those in, in many cases, have options, right? Yes. And many of those can push themselves out of this. Uncomfortable comfort on where they live. Right. Because it’s the only thing that they know, uh, to a place where they may be uncomfortable, but at least [00:49:00] safe. Yeah.

Easier to say than to do. I I, I have it clear, but again, we, we, we need to kind of balance what we have and what, what, what is positive and what is negative in inside of us and around us, and, and to look for help. Yeah. Whatever is not inside of you. It’s inside of someone else. Right? Right. And like Pam Reyes, who, whom, you know, um, she was talking about, you know, know what your strengths are like and sometimes we undervalue our strengths.

Something that comes easy to us. We think, Oh, that comes easy to me. Uh, I’m supposed to be working hard in order to be successful. But, you know, look at, you know, analyze yourself. What brings you joy, what gives you energy? What are the kinds of tasks that you really like to do? And, um, you know, for me, I cannot stand spreadsheets and data.

So I contracted out, you know, I hired a bookkeeper and, um, [00:50:00] and she loves it. And more power to her cause she likes getting everything right. You know? Um, my dog walker actually, Told me the other day, she’s like, Emily, um, I feel bad, but I didn’t cash these three checks and they were from like 20, 21 . And I said, Okay.

Um, no problem. You can, you can still deposit ’em. But I guess the fact that I didn’t notice you cashed those three checks tells you that, I mean, this is, this is my bookkeeper does my business books, not my personal books Uhhuh. But that tells you I haven’t balanced my checkbook . So I would’ve, I would’ve noticed that you hadn’t cashed those three checks.

So that was a little, uh, warning signal to me. Just looked through my checkbook a little bit, but I don’t like doing that. It doesn’t bring me energy. But for other people, like my mom, she’s like, Oh, I’m off a penny. Am I balancing my checkbook? I’m like, I don’t really, I have no idea how to do that. I to sincere, I was transplanted from [00:51:00] my dad to my husband.

In that you, I have absolutely no idea. Uh, I hope And you don’t care to know, probably . Cause it’s like, it’s not what, It’s not what brings you excitement. And let, and let the people that, that love doing that and keep track of that, let them do that. So, you know, that’s part of, you know, finding joy, meaning and wellbeing, you know, in our lives is to be doing stuff that we, that we love.

Yes. But it’s also important to go to those areas of discomfort or those areas that makes us very nervous that we don’t like. I will, This is great. I will. Yeah. And I will be very sincere of my, part of the, the process with the book involve four weeks of presale campaign and I hated. Those weeks. I wouldn’t like it either.

It was for me the first week. Well, you knew, you know, because [00:52:00] that was the week that I had college. Right. We were talking actually, that’s that. So the first week I had college and I was mis So the second week finally I guess him, you know, uh, with the energy to start bothering people, trying to convince them to buy a book from someone that has no books before.

And that is, by the way, the book is not even printed yet. Right. So they have to trust me. Right. Um, And if I hate marketing, marketing, you know, uh, something that does not exist yet, uh, was very difficult. And I didn’t receive a lot of, uh, good, uh, outcomes at that point. And I was fighting with myself. I was so upset and so furious.

And then I started talking with some of the people that I met, uh, through, through LinkedIn, right? And, and, and they start to advise me how to do things and how to make this, you know, to change the perspective. And they were explained to me. It’s like, You [00:53:00] have a goal, you have a book that you want to be in the hands of people so you can help them.

And you also want to sell that book because you want to collect money so you can donate it for, you know, mental health. Right? So what about you? Stop feeling so me about doing this and, and you feel the joy, right? And you don’t feel guilty. You are not feeling money, you are having wrong companies. You just go with that, you know, new perspective.

And I have to say that I learned tremendously and I, I will not do it again. Let’s clarify. It’s not that I’m from beans that I love that. No, I still hate it, but I learned so much. It was a sociological study. And not only that, I learn a lot about others and reactions and marketing per se, but I learned so much about myself.

Um, that was very interesting. So I [00:54:00] recommend people to go out of comfort zone, at least here and there, Right. Um, well, yeah, I, I, I guess you know what your, your story got me thinking too that, you know, I would’ve never, uh, been in sales, but now I support, uh, the company, positive intelligence, um, helping them break into federal government.

And I used to think sales, you know, I don’t wanna do sales. I could never do sales. And, and I don’t really look at it as sales, just like you, you know, I look at it as, well, you know, I’m detached from, you have to detach from the outcome, right? Like, it’s not, it’s not. , um, saying that you’re a bad person if no one signs up for your book.

It’s not saying that I’m a bad person if, if, if no one wants to buy positive intelligence, I can’t control that. But what I can control, what I can share is how it transform my life and how it’s transforming others. And then let people make up their, make their own mind up. And so when I change my perspective on sales, uh, you know, and, and looking at it as really, and just [00:55:00] educating people, letting ’em know about this great thing, and you’re letting ’em know about the book and then you’re proceeds are helping people, and that’s what you want to do.

It, it’s a whole new perspective. And then it, it, it, um, you. It’s easy to do , and I wish that people can read us. Right? And we can read people in general. Yes. And, and, and that’s the beautiful thing about being vulnerable and being transparent and, and doing things because of the right reasons. Right. And, and, and things that are aligned, again, back to, to your bad, who you are.

Right. And, and I believe that if we, we suffer from so much stress and so much burnout and, and, and the rates of depression on sweet side in this country are hopeful, right? But if we are able to go back to our roots, right, uh, who we are and, and we make friends with ourselves and we start living our life respecting ourself and [00:56:00] respecting our goals and our values and, you know, and loving ourself, um, probably I will not say that the stress will disappear.

That’s what real, right. That probably will navigate life in a better way, in a healthier way. Right. And, and I, And we need to learn that. We didn’t have that class at school. I didn’t have least . No, no, no. We didn’t learn that at school. And um, I mean for you, for those watching and those, um, listening later, you can see why Dr.

Z and I hit it off when we first met. Cause yeah, we have a lot in common with what you look at things. Yeah. Even maybe write both of us, we work for the day we write . Yeah. So yeah, we have a lot of common, and I, I, I have to add, right? Uh, that part of what this positive intelligence has been included in the book and it’s part, right?

And, uh, this is sent you to, to, to , [00:57:00] right? That she actually educate me on that. And then you reinforce it and, and it’s a very interesting concept that I was not aware of and really, Very close to science too. Right. Which was something that, uh, pick my eye. Right. So it’s based on science and positive psychology and all of that.

So, Yep. And I think Cool, they’re in the book because I believe that is a tool that easily can be, you know, uh, part of, of little changes that we can do in our life to, to get in that to a better place. Right. Right. And I like what you said about little changes, like I’ve been reading, um, actually listening to the book, Atomic Habits.

Um, and I don’t know if you’ve listened to that or read it, but it’s all about like, you know, just a one degree change. Just a tiny change, you know? Um, and how to really stick to your habits. I really like that book. As well. So we think that we have to go from here to there, like overnight. No, and, [00:58:00] and you see people and you think they made it overnight, but really it was just taking the right, you know, taking tiny steps every day.

What can I do today with what I have? How can I be a little bit better? How can I, um, change my attitude a little bit more today? And then you just build on that and then all of a sudden things come together step by step. Right? Yeah. Well, I’m gonna show your book again. Um, Dr. Z’s book is The 3G Cycle of Life, and your website is, uh, www dot 3g cycle Do live.

And I really enjoyed having you on the show tonight, Dr. Z. Thank you so much and thank you everyone for being here and be healthy, be happy. Yes. And you love . All right, I’ll put you in the, uh, green room for just a minute. Thank you so much.

Thank you for watching [00:59:00] everybody. Uh, this is my, I got two more episodes left. Um, next week I’m off and then I’ve got one more episode, and then I’m interviewing, let’s see, I have the piece of pa well piece of papers down on the ground. And then, um, I’ll have one more episode where it’s just me and then I’m taking a break and I’m not sure how long the break’s gonna be.

It could be permanent, I don’t know yet. And I’m showing myself some self-compassion and saying, I don’t have to make that decision right now. I’m just gonna take a a break and we’ll see how long it lasts. So I appreciate everyone who watched tonight. Thank you very much. And for everybody who listens to the Onward Podcast, I appreciate you Have a great week.

Onward Live is sponsored by Emily Harmon Coaching and Consulting. Visit my website emily harmon.com to learn more about me and my coaching programs. I’d love to help you create a life you love living. Remember, [01:00:00] every adversity is our own personal university. Sometimes the lessons are difficult and we must learn from our experiences.

Vulnerability is your super power. You are lovable and worthy, and we discuss these topics and more because professional is personal. Thank you for joining us and engaging with me and my guest. I look forward to seeing.